Amy Schumer’s Lower Back Tattoo

A little funny, a little crass, a little thoughtful.

Photo of the cover of Amy Schumer's book.

To be honest upfront, I’m on the fence about Amy Schumer; I think she’s funny enough, and I’ve enjoyed her movies and standup, but I wouldn’t list her among my favourites. It’s straight-up take her or leave her, as far as I’m concerned.

But I love memoirs, and I loved The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo, too. I didn’t feel like she was trying too hard to be funny, and her tendency to deliberately go for the easy, gross-out gag wasn’t as evident. As I listened, (yeah, I love me my Audible), I realised that I’d been guilty of assuming that just because she played dumb or ditzy characters, she was that way herself. I was actually surprised, I’m ashamed to say, at how clever she was; smart and incisive.

I enjoyed her adventures and her self-confidence, especially in a profession where you’re expected to be almost suicidally skinny. Hooray for the chunky girls! And she takes her little run-ins with social awkwardness and embarrassment in stride.

Reviews have been mixed, as are the reviews of her performances, but I enjoyed it, and will probably listen again.

Pairings

I think I’ll pair this enjoyable memoir with these lovely temporary tattoos, because you don’t need to bleed to have a tramp stamp.

And, maybe, a copy of Mother-Daughter Duet: Getting to the Relationship You Want with Your Adult Daughter, because she and her mom have lots of fences to mend.

Interested in writing your own memoir? I can help. Contact me here.

Have you read The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo? Are you a fan? Comment here!

Finding time to write

We don’t find time; we make it.

Image of a click made up of coloured post-its

Did anyone take part in NaNoWriMo? That’s National Novel Writing Month, always held in November. The challenge is to write the first draft of a 50,000-word novel in 30 days. Sceptical? Thousands have done it. Many have gone on to get published.

But those of us writers who don’t have a giant S printed on our clingy spandex chests find it hard to get 50 pages done in a month, much less 50,000 words! We have jobs, studies, kids, spouses, sick family members, elderly parents, pets, fitness and a hundred million other things crowding our already cluttered lives. How do we do all this and still shove our writing project in edgways? Are we crazy?

Now that I write and edit full time, it’s a lot easier, as it’s a clear case of work or starve. But when I was in corporate life, and when the kids were younger, it was a challenge. I figured out a couple of tricks, and I’ll share them with you — on the condition that you’ll share yours with me.

Eat one-handed

For years I ate at my desk at work, stuffing my face with one hand while the other tapped out my story. I learned fast which foods are easiest to eat while working, like sandwiches, pizza, or roti, and which need to be avoided, like steak or spaghetti, which require concentration and dexterity (and two hands) if you plan to avoid disaster.

Even if I scarfed down my lunch (trying not to choke), I could still cram maybe 30 minutes of writing time in there. Doesn’t sound like much, but it adds up. (And this may be TMI, but I also learned to breastfeed one-handed for the same reason.)

Dictate to yourself

If you’re busy doing something else (housework, driving, that sort of stuff), try dictating your thoughts into a recorder or phone. (Make sure your phone is hands free if you’re driving, please!) I personally don’t use this method as I actually type faster than I think, but it’s a great solution for many people.

Just don’t dictate while walking down the street or while using public transportation, lest you get carted off for a psychiatric evaluation.

Drop by drop

As the elders say, “Drop by drop will fill a bucket”. Don’t stress if you can’t find a nice long couple of hours to write in. Do it one page a day and you’ll have a largish novel in a year. That’s better than most people who claim they want to write ever achieve.

Don’t be nasty to yourself

Many writers, including seasoned ones, get so bogged down in rewriting and editing a few pages that they never finish the whole book. The best advice I ever got was “Finish the book, then edit it.” Soldier onwards to the end before you look back; it will help you focus on your progress rather than spinning top in mud, going round and round in circles, but heading nowhere.

Palm off your responsibilities

If you can afford it, get someone to come in and help with the housework, even if it’s just once a week, to free you up a bit. Palm off the kids on a relative (slip them some money for ice cream and they won’t complain). Lock your door. Scribble “Do Not Disturb” on your forehead. Treat yourself to a beach house weekend. Every now and then you deserve a nice long idyll with your masterpiece. Go for it!

Other good ideas
  • Take a coffee/writing break. It’s a cliché, but coffee shops exist for a reason.
  • Write while someone else is driving.
  • Fit the task to the time allotted; big jobs for big chunks of time, and so on.
  • Play deaf. What? You were asking me to get up and fix dinner? Sorry, I didn’t hear you!
  • Squeeze in an extra hour at the start or end of your day. (Personally, I’m at my best at dawn.)
  • Be your own dominatrix: reward yourself for being good, and punish yourself for being naughty.
  • Stop using ‘busy’ as an excuse. We’re all busy. The only person I know who isn’t is my dog. How badly do you want this?
  • Your book—and your readers-in-waiting—will thank you when you’re done.

Do you have any tips or tricks to add? How easy is it for you to find time to write? Let’s hear your comments.