To Wine or Not to Wine

I know my answer. What’s yours?

Roslyn at Carnival

Carnival is freedom, self-expression, release, beauty, sex, madness and mud.  And, of course, Carnival is wining, that gyrating, hip-swivelling, bottom-rolling motion that few women not born on this soil can even hope to perfect.

And Carnival, bless it, is the one time when women of every hue and colouration, every creed, stripe and social strata, can toss aside their sensible secretary’s pumps, their surgeon’s mask, their welder’s gloves, their teacher’s red-ink pen and become in public the women they have only allowed themseelves to be in private.  Carnival is one big show, and we, the women, are on stage.

But the whole world is watching, and the further our liberties stretch, the harsher the conservative backlash is likely to be.  Because make no mistake, the other 363 days of the year, Trinidad and Tobago is as prudish and buttoned-down as it is possible for a Western nation to be, and the Savannah concourse is littered with the ruined reputations of women who have been reviled, mocked, sanctioned, and even fired, for having been caught wining by the wrong person . . . or the wrong camera lens.

So, with Carnival upon us, is a wining woman a glory to behold, or a Jezebel to be shunned? 

Wining is natural and spontaneous

The majority of people polled . . . especially men . . . think that wining is not just okay, but an essential part of our Mas and our culture.  Some even think wining is as natural as breathing for us.   “It’s cultural,” says one man. “We may call it different things (church people praise and dance, but they do NOT WINE, perish the thought) but the hip and buttock movements are as much a part of us as is breathing. We have to work hard not to swing our hips naturally.”

Wining is seduction

In any Carnival fete, in any Carnival band, you’ll find twenty woman to one man, at least according to the results of the scientific survey conducted years ago by the respected statistician, Professor Kitch.  So what better forum in which to entice, display and seduce?

“Wining is how we talk to men,” says a veteran female Mas player, “Without using our lips.  We let the hips talk for us.”  And the men listen.  To them, wining is a come-hither look that originates in the eyes and travels downward.  And even if it goes no further than that, even if the searing-hot contact a woman makes on the dance floor is, to quote one local poet, “just a wine”, we break apart and step away feeling better about ourselves.  We blossom under the warmth of male admiration as flowers do in the sun.

Is wining new?

Another gentleman questions whether the wining phenomenon has really been around as long as we think.  “I’ve seen a lot of footage of people dancing in the streets at Carnival in the 1970s, 60s, and 50s.  From none of those videos have I ever seen a woman wine. Dance, sway the hips a bit, yes . . . but not ‘wine’.”

If this is so, then the question arises whether the impulse to wine was always there, stifled by social convention, and is only now being given its freedom to run (or, rather, roll) as the constraints of social mores relax?

“It have wine, and it have WINE”

As much as we admire a good winer, there is a prevailing sense that there are limits to what is and is not acceptable.  There is a general sense of “play your Mas, but set your boundaries.”  As another female Mas lover puts it, “Many Carnivals ago, I had the opportunity to watch a young masquerader wine and dance and enjoy herself. She went down to the ground and move all around and nothing about how she conducted herself was lewd or vulgar. She was enjoying her Mas . . . then there are those who choose to have sex in the streets and take it to the next level. It is how you carry and conduct yourself.”

As far as that goes, unfortunately, lewdness is in the eye of the beholder.  What may be a tame little shimmy for one person may be a shameless display to another.  It’s even more unfortunate that while women are still being judged by their attire and conduct at Carnival and beyond, men seldom are.

By and large, though, the sight of a wining woman, a woman working her costume, enjoying her temporary escape from the rigid boundaries that barricade most of us, a woman who loves to be looked at and, in that moment, knows that she is sexy and desirable, is a beautiful thing to behold. 

The sight of this kind of winer, celebrating her freedom and womanhood, rarely evokes shock, and seldom gives rise to a negative reaction from her enthralled audience.  “It doesn’t change my view of women,” a young man observes.  “It extends it. It completes it.”

Excited to hear your point of view. Please leave a comment below.

What Kind of Carnival Queen are You?

It’s Carnival time, and in T&T, where the road make to walk and woman is boss, that makes you a queen in your own right.  But what kind of Carnival queen are you?  Here’s how to find out.

It’s almost 2:00 a.m. at the hottest fete for the season, and Machel is up on stage, calling for a wining partner. You:

  1. Literally climb over the crowd to get there, then promptly put on a display that would shock even the seasoned Soca veteran.
  2. Challenge the best-looking man in your posse to help you out-do the girls on stage, right there in the audience.
  3. Close your eyes, throw your arms in the air and just enjoy the groove.
  4. Fete?  Two a.m.? Is your bed wet?

It’s J’Ouvert morning and the crowd on the pavement is thick.  A cute cop asks you to move back a little.  You:

  1. Tell him to make you move, nah. 
  2. Buss a wine on the man, back him up against a post, and ask him what calibre his gun is.
  3. Hug up your homegirls and keep on chipping with your band.
  4. Can’t hear him.  You’re up in the bleachers.
Let's be the goddesses we are, ladies!

Carnival isn’t getting any cheaper.  How do you finance your Mas?

  1. Take out a loan if you can.  Otherwise, beg, borrow or steal.  You could live on crackers and cheese for the rest of the year.
  2. You’ve never paid for a costume in your life.  That’s what men are for.
  3. Put aside a little every month, and if that doesn’t cover it, take a big bite out of your January budget.  It’s worth it.
  4. Two snow cones and a ticket to Red Cross Kiddies’ Carnival hardly counts as an expense.

Your pan side makes it to Panorama Semis.  You:

  1. Negotiate your way onstage as flag woman, and, when the cameras are on you, do things with the flag that could get you jailed.
  2. Hang around the pan yard for every practice and try to catch the eye of the nice Ras on the tenor.
  3. Practice, practice, practice, and play your heart out on competition night.  Yeah, of course you play pan!
  4. Visit the pan yard once in a while, and buy a jersey to show your support.

Tuesday evening, everybody head hot.  A fight breaks out, and soon the air is thick with bottles.  You:

  1. Try to get as many knocks in as you can, and then slip away and act as if you weren’t the one who started the fight in the first place.
  2. Hang on to the nearest hunk and plead for protection.  Hang on TIGHT.
  3. Run for cover, and find somewhere else to jam.  No violence is going to get between you and your Mas.
  4. Shout for your husband to come and see a bottle fight on TV.

Results

Mostly 1s: You are June Gardiner’s Bacchanal Woman

You believe Carnival was created to let off steam, and you let off enough to power a small locomotive.  Ease your inner wajang off her leash just a little . . . but keep your sane and sober self in control.  Remember the power of the cell phone camera and the reach of social media.  The last thing you need is a viral video you’re going to have to explain to your boss, your family, and your future kids.

Mostly 2s: You are Elsie Lee Heung’s Diana, Goddess of the Hunt

You’re on the prowl for big game—the handsome, hunky two-legged kind—and the streets of Port of Spain are your happy hunting ground. We enjoy the rippling, bare-chested eye-candy too, but let’s be careful out there; many blue devils are still devils when the paint comes off.  Don’t do anything you’ll regret.

Mostly 3s: You are Allyson Brown’s Tan Tan

You love the Mas and the Mas loves you.  You like the feel of the costume against your skin and the smell of the Savannah dust.  Play your Mas, girl, play your Mas.

Mostly 4s: You’re Anra Bobb’s Love and Peace

Carnival just isn’t your cup of tea, and you’re content to sit back and let others enjoy it without laying a dose of the guilts on them.  Maybe you ought to sit this one out; take it in on TV, read a book, or escape to a Caribbean island with your honey and make your own Carnival memory.

However you play it, play it safe.

I Wanna Be a Millionaire, Too

I don’t get no respect!

Let’s talk about money, even though it’s objectively less appropriate than talking about sex. Money’s cool. I wouldn’t mind having some. I used to make a reasonable, liveable amount, actually, and then, goddammit, I quit to become a full-time writer/editor/origami enthusiast.

Now here I am at fifty-cough, calling up clients with my sweetest cheque-chasing voice once every couple of weeks, rolling over my credit card balance with the deftness of a plate-spinner at the circus, and hoarding loyalty points like rare simoleons.

I recently joined a couple of those freelance aggregate sites, where freelancers and potential clients do a tango as delicate as anything on Ok Cupid, where you coyly flash your diploma, and maybe a book cover or two, in hopes of catching their eye. And then they offer you US$2 each to write them a passel of 500-word articles. No, seriously, someone did. I didn’t even bother to give them a piece of my mind; I need it to trawl for work.

So my whine for today is, why are we writers paid so badly, especially as compared to professionals of equal intelligence, education, and general know-stuffedness? Why would clients sign away their third-born child to pay legal fees but try to beat down my hourly rate because I stopped in the middle of it for coffee?

The chances of making a good living (whatever that means to you) writing are despairingly low. And the chances of making a great, Stephen-King-pays-all-his-town’s-taxes level living? One in several octopusillion.

Look, I don’t need a vast estate surrounded by a gargoyle-topped iron gate. I don’t need to be flying off to Paris on weekends . . . okay, really, I’d kill to fly off to Paris for the weekend. But do ya get what I’m saying? Like Jabberjaw, I just want a little respect.

Even though 2.2 million new books are published every year. Even though people still think, “It won’t take long, so I don’t have to pay much.” Even though most people seem to think that a II in CXC English qualifies them to pen the world’s next breakthrough masterpiece, so why pay me to do it?

All I can say is, writer-folks, we need to stay strong. We need to remember that all authors, including the A list, have to suck up rejection at some point and persist. We need to know when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em. Not to leap at an offer that’s clearly wrong for us just to make a buck. And we need to stand together. If a job doesn’t suit me, I’ll give the client your name; I expect you to do the same for me. If I hear a great tip, or have a wonderful idea, I’m going to share it with you. That’s how our community gets stronger.

And I sure as hot hairy hell ain’t taking no steenking job for $2. The nerve of some people!

Thoughts? Any experiences you’d like to share? (Writing or not?)

How Controlling Are You?

Do it. You know you want to.

Tell the truth, now!

IT’S GREAT when we women are in control of ourselves, our lives and our destinies, but sometimes, we can go a little too far, and wind up stepping on the toes of those around us. But how far is too far? How do you tell the difference between being in control and being overly controlling?

Take my exclusive quiz—or, rather, I nicely suggest you take my exclusive quiz, and see.

When cooking, you:

A. Eyeball it; a handful of this, a handful of that, and if all else fails, drown it in ketchup.

B. Use good old, tried and true recipes, but you’re not afraid to give your dish your own personal twist; a favourite herb, or a shortcut your mother taught you.

C. Measure all ingredients twice, and if you think you’ve made a mistake, you start over.

At restaurants, you:

A. Ask the waiter to surprise you.

B. Order from the menu . . . but ask for dressings on the side, and hold the MSG.

C. Demand they bring out sous-chef and grill him (“grill” . . . ha) on whether the kingfish is north coast or east, and whether the white sauce is made with cooking cream or sour cream.

When you and your honey are dressing to go out on a special date, you:

A. Compliment him on the way he’s dressed, even though you privately think he could have done without those white tube socks with his dress shoes.

B. Politely suggest he change his tube socks for something else.

C. Don’t even bother to oversee how he dresses; after all, you personally bought every single garment in his closet and arranged them by colour, texture and style.

Your boss invites you to her home for cocktails. You:

A. Drop by after you’re done liming in the mall, wearing whatever you had on when you left. After all, you’re off the clock; she can’t tell you how to dress.

C. Cancel your plans, break out your little black dress, and pick her up a nice bottle of red on your way over.

C. Tell her you’ll come, but she really must lock that fuzzy dog of hers away before you get there. It’s bad for your allergies, and you’d rather not get dog hairs on your new velvet miniskirt.

You and your husband are both so busy that it’s not often you get to spend quality time together. You:

A. Let it slide. Every now and then your free nights coincide, and that’s enough for you.

B. Actively collaborate with him to arrange for a date night at least once a week, even if it means giving up some other important activity. After all, your relationship deserves the time investment.

C. Call up all his friends and read them the Rules According to You: No liming on weekends; no phone calls after 9:00 p.m., and all sporting events, etc. have to be cleared by you first.

It’s your best friend’s wedding, and all eyes are on her. You:

A. Step aside every time you see a camera, so as not to photobomb any of her precious shots.

B. Dress tastefully, pose with her for a few happy photos, and then slip into the kitchen to make sure the caterer is on top of things.

C. Turn up dressed in a long, flowing white gown. Festooned with lace. With white orchids adorning your elaborate updo. With a shiny rock on your finger bright enough to dazzle the pilots of passing aircraft . . ..

SCORING

Mostly As. Sweetheart, life is a participation sport. You’re not meant to stand on the sidelines while it goes by. DO something!

Mostly Bs. Nice job. You know when to hold ‘em, and know when to fold ‘em. Kenny Rogers would be proud of you. And so am I.

Mostly Cs. Slow your roll, sister. It’s not all about you. Believe it or not, you share this planet with about 7 billion more of us. And not everyone was placed here to do your bidding.

Other signs you need to loosen your grip:

  • You assume you know what the other person is thinking. You can’t.
  • If things don’t go your way, you sulk. Or throw a tantrum.
  • People plan events, put everything in place, and then invite you.
  • Your phone bill is through the roof because you are constantly calling people up to “see if everything is going according to plan”.
  • Your boyfriend’s left sleeve is always wrinkled from the death grip you keep on his arm wherever you go.
  • You try to re-write Wikipedia—all of it—to suit your world view.

I’d ask you to leave a comment here—but would that seem controlling?