Some of us (and we aren’t calling any names) are such die-hard romantics (and suckers for a cute smile) that once we’re bitten by the love bug, we just can’t stop ourselves from coming down with a serious case of romantic fever.
You know you shouldn’t. You know he’s bad for you. You just don’t know how to stop yourself. Lucky for you, we do. Here are a few pointers.
Stop looking for a daddy
It’s well known that as girls, our concepts of masculinity are moulded by our fathers. Very often, we hook up with men who remind us, even on a subconscious level, of the first man who ever loved us and made us feel like a princess. But if daddy wasn’t good to mommy, we run the risk of falling into the same trap—even if we swore we wouldn’t.
We need to remind ourselves that, living or dead, absent or present, loving or distant, we only ever had one daddy, and the last thing we need to do is go searching for Daddy #2 among our pool of suitors…especially if he won’t live up to our expectations.
Don’t be fooled by chemistry
Maybe you don’t believe that sex is only for marriage, but chances are you see love and sex as inextricable…after all, that’s what we’ve been taught, right? Good girls only sleep with men they love.
But if you follow that logic backwards, good girls must love the men they sleep with… and here’s where the problem starts. You find a man who gets that electrical current flowing and you say to yourself, I want him, I desire him, I’m even sleeping with him. So I must love him, right?
Wrong. As nice as it is when the two meet in the middle, sex isn’t love, and love isn’t sex. Keep your head on; don’t let your hormones dumb you down.
Stay away from him
Duh! The best way not to get burned is to keep your hands out of the fire. You might think you’re cool enough to handle him, so it’s okay for you to take a little drink now and then, play a little mas with the man, roll around on the cushions once in a while, and walk away unscathed.
But the love bug is ruthless when it sniffs out a victim, so if you can’t immunise yourself, at least stay far from the source of infection.
Stop believing in fairies
Or elves, good witches, or any magical creature you think can sprinkle pixie dust on the wrong man and miraculously make him right. For that matter, stop deluding yourself into thinking he’s a piece of play dough and, if you squeeze and rub him right (mind out of the gutter, we’re speaking metaphorically here) you can mould him into what you want.
Honey, please. The only woman who ever did any moulding on that man was his mother, and he’s way past that now. So what makes you think you can change him?
Learn more about yourself
Once you’ve survived the train-wreck of your relationship, (or narrowly avoided a collision) use the experience to learn more about yourself. Ask yourself a few hard questions, such as, Why do I keep falling for men like this? Am I afraid of a relationship that will actually WORK? Am I punishing myself, trying punish my parents, enjoying the drama?
When you find the reasons behind your attraction, use this new knowledge about yourself to help you spot—and avoid—your next disaster in the making.
The Nile is full of crocodiles
And denial is full of bad choices. If you know he’s not the man the Universe has reserved for you, stop telling yourself everything is going to be okay. Get out while you can, and keep looking. Don’t run the risk of true love walking right past you in a pair of well-fitted jeans while you’re busy hanging on to something that just shouldn’t be.
Keep telling yourself you deserve to be happy—and so you will once Mr. Right knocks Mr. Oh-hell-no out of the picture.
Got any other ideas? Help a girl out in the comments!