Author: Roslyn Carrington

Roslyn Carrington has been a freelance writer, editor and proofreader for over 11 years. She has published 14 novels and has ghost-written several memoirs and non-fiction works. She writes, edits and proofreads for a variety of publications and corporate clients.

How not to fall for the wrong guy

We all do it, don’t we!

Some of us (and we aren’t calling any names) are such die-hard romantics (and suckers for a cute smile) that once we’re bitten by the love bug, we just can’t stop ourselves from coming down with a serious case of romantic fever.

You know you shouldn’t.  You know he’s bad for you.  You just don’t know how to stop yourself.  Lucky for you, we do.  Here are a few pointers.

Stop looking for a daddy

It’s well known that as girls, our concepts of masculinity are moulded by our fathers.  Very often, we hook up with men who remind us, even on a subconscious level, of the first man who ever loved us and made us feel like a princess.  But if daddy wasn’t good to mommy, we run the risk of falling into the same trap—even if we swore we wouldn’t.

We need to remind ourselves that, living or dead, absent or present, loving or distant, we only ever had one daddy, and the last thing we need to do is go searching for Daddy #2 among our pool of suitors…especially if he won’t live up to our expectations.

 Don’t be fooled by chemistry

Maybe you don’t believe that sex is only for marriage, but chances are you see love and sex as inextricable….after all, that’s what we’ve been taught, right?  Good girls only sleep with men they love.

But if you follow that logic backwards, good girls must love the men they sleep with… and here’s where the problem starts.  You find a man who gets that electrical current flowing and you say to yourself, I want him, I desire him, I’m even sleeping with him.  So I must love him, right?

Wrong.  As nice as it is when the two meet in the middle, sex isn’t love, and love isn’t sex.  Keep your head on; don’t let your hormones dumb you down.

Stay away from him

Duh!  The best way not to get burned is to keep your hands out of the fire.  You might think you’re cool enough to handle him, so it’s okay for you to take a little drink now and then, play a little mas with the man, roll around on the cushions once in a while, and walk away unscathed.

But the love bug is ruthless when it sniffs out a victim, so if you can’t immunise yourself, at least stay far from the source of infection.

Stop believing in fairies

Or elves, good witches, or any magical creature you think can sprinkle pixie dust on the wrong man and miraculously make him right.  For that matter, stop deluding yourself into thinking he’s a piece of play dough and, if you squeeze and rub him right (mind out of the gutter, we’re speaking metaphorically here) you can mould him into what you want.

Honey, please.  The only woman who ever did any moulding on that man was his mother, and he’s way past that now.  So what makes you think you can change him?

Learn more about yourself

Once you’ve survived the train-wreck of your relationship, (or narrowly avoided a collision) use the experience to learn more about yourself.  Ask yourself a few hard questions, such as, Why do I keep falling for men like this?  Am I afraid of a relationship that will actually WORK?  Am I punishing myself, trying punish my parents, enjoying the drama? 

When you find the reasons behind your attraction, use this new knowledge about yourself to help you spot—and avoid—your next disaster in the making. 

The Nile is full of crocodiles

And denial is full of bad choices.  If you know he’s not the man the Universe has reserved for you, stop telling yourself everything is going to be okay.  Get out while you can, and keep looking.  Don’t run the risk of true love walking right past you in a pair of well-fitted jeans while you’re busy hanging on to something that just shouldn’t be.

Keep telling yourself you deserve to be happy—and so you will once Mr. Right knocks Mr. Oh-hell-no out of the picture.

Any more ideas? Leave a comment!

The Dog’s Bollocks

Yeah, you read that right.

You’re never too old to learn something new. For example, I only just learned that this punctuation mark :— (a colon followed by a dash or hyphen) is known by typographers and other people who have a sense of humour as “the dog’s bollocks”.

Really?
Really.

If you take a good look at it, I don’t need to tell you why, because the physical similarities between the mark and a certain anatomical appendage not limited to canines is quite apparent.

It’s an archaic bit of punctuation once used to indicate a pause, hopefully a tantalising, teasing one, before you go on to cite items in a list. Nobody uses it anymore because meh.

But it’s good to know that generations preceding ours enjoyed the pleasure of inserting a naughty emoticon into their writing, isn’t it?

Sun-Kissed Sabina

Highly rated and wonderfully evocative of the islands.

Thought you guys would like to know that my favorite new editing client has published a wonderful series set in the Caribbean. Yep, my neck of the woods. Set in the fictional island of Sabina, which feels and sounds like a mash-up of all the Caribbean islands I know, with lots of music, food, cool, funny locals and great romance stories. Awesome.

Click on each one for the link.

Well done, Leigh!

8 Reasons You Shouldn’t Be The Other Woman

Seriously, though. Don’t.

A married man is like a great-fitting pair of pre-stressed jeans: already tested, broken in, and approved. The relative independence of not being tied down to a “real” relationship also has its allure. But there are many good reasons why you shouldn’t succumb to the temptation of an illicit affair. Here are just a few of them.

  1. It’s anti-feminist

Feminism isn’t about burning bras or marching in the streets with placards. It’s about respecting and supporting the rights of other women. If you participate in the destruction of something a sister has worked hard to build—such as her marriage and her family—no amount of banner-waving will make you a feminist.

  • It hurts other women . . . and children

Your dalliance with a married man isn’t a victimless crime. Not only are you hurting another woman, but your selfishness will affect her children as well. And, depending on how deeply affected the kids are by the downfall of the marriage, the hurt just might filter down to their kids. Do you really want a stain like that on your soul?

  • You’ll be miserable on Christmas and Valentine’s Day

And any other day he’ll be expected to spend with his family. If the man is determined to hang on to his marriage and his family, you’ll wind up taking a back seat to it every time. Which brings us to . . ..

  • You’ll be selling yourself short

The mistress is the second banana, and that’s all she’ll ever be. Wouldn’t you rather be with a man who is able to—and wants to—give you all of him, rather than a tiny sliver at a time?

  • You’re wasting chunks of your life

You’re treading water, going nowhere. It’s a dead-end relationship. Shouldn’t you be out there looking for a full-time relationship of your own? Especially if you want to have kids. Don’t mean to be cruel, but . . . tick tock, tick tock . . ..

  • What goes around, comes around

He’s already proven himself capable of infidelity. He’s shown that he’s willing to put his own selfish desires ahead of the feelings of the woman he once loved. Or even still professes to love. If it comes to pass that he leaves his wife, and you take her place, how long do you think it will be before you are the one lying alone in an empty bed, listening out for the sound of his key in the door?

  • You’re going to hate yourself

Sure, sneaking around is naughty, and so is taboo sex. Feels great, right? But one day you’ll wake up and hate yourself. With good reason.

  •  It makes you look bad

Being the outside woman is just plain tacky. Don’t do it.

The Unbearable Weirdness of Doing Nothing

Roslyn's zentangle
Roslyn’s Zentangle

Not trying to humblebrag, but I nearly worked myself to death in 2021. Long strings of 7-day work weeks, coupled with managing a home where two teens were stranded and stuck in online schooling hell thanks to COVID. So in that lethargic, otherworldly limbo between Christmas and New Year’s, I decided to take a vacation.

Or, rather, a hiatus, since I went nowhere. And surprisingly, it was harder than I thought. At least at the start.

Day One: Yeah! A whole week off! I deserve this!

Days Two and Three: Do nothing? Seriously? How can I just lie around and not work? If I don’t work, who am I? How do I exist when not at my desk? Am I even ME?

Yep, full-blown existential crisis.

Day Four: I begin marathon-watching two of my old favourites, The Office and Monk. I buy coffee Haagen-Dazs to put in my ice cream. I seriously contemplate bathing all four of my dogs, but I lie down until the feeling passes. I do walk them, though, so stop judging me.

A neighbour intercepts me mid-walk to give me a nicely wrapped box of chocolates, so SCORE!

Days Five and Six: TV marathon in full swing. I have a swim in my neighbour’s pool. We order out so I don’t have to cook. Domino’s cinnastix become my best friend. I take up zentangles again, a hobby I loved but let lapse in the past year. See the one up there? Yeah, that’s mine.

Day Seven: I can’t believe an entire week has passed! Do I really have to go back to my desk?

Yes. Yes I do. I’m awakened at the crack by a yowling cat to rescue a lizard she has stashed under my bed. Great way to start the week.

And here I am. Let’s make it a good year, folkses.

Well-earned vacation

Company while I work.

Okay, okay, it’s been a while since I posted. But I wasn’t lounging around eating bonbons, more’s the pity. As it has been for many people, it’s been a tough year. I’ve had long streaks of 7-day work weeks—not that I’m complaining. I’m just happy to have steady work at a time when so many others have lost their jobs.

Nevertheless, what with COVID and home classes for the kiddos and everything else, my schedule has been packed. So, on this, the day after Boxing Day, I think I’ll wrap it up for 2021. I’ve only got one deliverable left, maybe 3 hours’ work, and then, I’m on vacation, baby.

Will be back at work on January 2nd.

Sayonara.

Off-Limits Innocence: A Sabina Island Romance

A Leigh Jenkins romance

Hey guys, one of my editing clients has started a lovely new series that’s actually set in the Caribbean! Woo-hoo!

Three innocent besties + two island boys = one unforgettable holiday — or a recipe for sun-kissed heartbreak?

Samuel:

No girl should be allowed to move like that without a permit. That hair flowing over her shoulders – like a mermaid. Her generous curves. Her arms rise and fall with the music and oh, I imagine her hands resting on my shoulders.

Her fingertips stroking my cheek. Her body pressing against mine. My lips touching hers.

NO. What am I thinking? My father’s words echo in my head, drowning out the music. “Guests to our island are off limits. Especially American girls.”

But what if she’s my ticket out of here?

Check out Off Limits Innocence for Kindle here.

“It’s over!”

What’s your deal breaker?

That’s it!  You’ve had it with that man and you’re calling it quits.  You’re going to round up a posse of girlfriends, head out to a pub, drown your sorrows in Ultimate Mudslides and bury them under a mound of Buffalo wings.  But how did it come to this?  What did the poor guy do?

I polled a group of women to find out what would be the last straw to break the back of their relationship.  Here’s what they said:

He cheated on me

According to Dante’s Inferno, the penalty for cheating is to spend all eternity in the second circle of Hell.  Infidelity is the great-granddaddy of all relationship sins.  The majority of women put this one at the top of their list. 

Not surprising.  Cheating hurts.  And no matter how much we tell ourselves it’s his fault, and his problem, it leaves us wide open to self-doubt and recrimination.  Why her and not me?  Is she prettier, smarter, nicer?  And—the kicker—is she better in bed?

Even for those willing to overlook the ‘diss’ and give the man a second chance, cheating breaks the fragile bond of trust, and that’s the hardest thing to regain.  As one office manager in her forties put it, “I don’t question that I could forgive a guy who cheated on me, but I don’t think I’d trust them again. And it would be too hard to live with someone you didn’t trust.”

He’s ‘on the down-low’

A communications officer in her thirties painted the infidelity issue a slightly different hue: “If he was seeing another man!”  In a homophobic society such as ours, it’s not surprising that many gay and bisexual men aren’t willing to have open relationships with other men.  As a result, they live a double life, publicly dating women while privately sleeping with men.  And while we understand the pressures of living up to the expectations of others, cheating is cheating, and we’re going to show him the door.

He doesn’t respect me

Aretha Franklin said it best.  Women don’t just want respect; we demand it—or the deal’s off.  One senior executive at a cruise ship company said, “If he’s dismissive or starts taking me for granted, making me a low priority in his life…at that point, next!”

Lack of respect manifests itself in many ways, including lack of consultation on important issues, mean or dismissive comments in public, and not giving you time to speak your piece during an argument.  Anyhow you slice it, the guy’s gotta go.

He’s cruel

“If my man hit me even once, he’d never get another chance.”  Domestic violence was a big issue with the ladies, of course, but it didn’t just end with cruelty to a woman or her children.  One professional dog breeder points out that cruelty to animals is just as bad.  “I had a boyfriend who kicked a puppy of mine once.  Broke up with him on the spot. Violence toward something weaker and more vulnerable is not macho, it shows a weak ego and character.”

He only talks the talk

There are a lot of mocking pretenders out there who talk a great game but can’t back it up.  A writer of Young Adult fiction says, “He can tell you everything he hopes to accomplish, lay it all out for you, but NEVER make any effort to go out and use the information he’s researched. Eventually, you’re going to get tired of all the talk.”

He doesn’t want kids

A deeply religious office worker in her early twenties insists she’ll walk away without a backward glance if the man didn’t want kids. Furthermore, while he doesn’t have to be from her religion, if he had a problem with her raising them in her religion, she’d call it quits.

He’s broke

A married writer, former singer and actor says, “A gentleman does not allow the lady to pay the bill.  I do my share of treating and gift giving when the relationship is established. But early on, during the courtship and wooing period, he should pay.  I’d offer to go Dutch but it’s a disingenuous offer. If he says ok, I’ll be disheartened. He clearly is not trying too hard to impress me.”  Nope, women surely don’t want no scrubs.

More reasons to dump him

Other women threw these dating no-nos into the mix:

  • “A Mamma’s boy who turned the relationship into a soap-opera, casting his mother in the leading role. Too much drama.”
  • “If he turned out to be a pervert, a sexual predator or serial killer.”
  • “Unreliability – not to be able to trust or rely on him.”
  • “If he didn’t help out at home with children and chores.”
  • “If he was possessive.”
  • “If he was addicted to drugs or alcohol.”
  • “If our lifestyles and goals didn’t match.”

Sometimes, we need a clean slate

Whether the actual breakup is gentle and diplomatic or fast and brutal, we must find the courage to act when it’s time to move on.  After all, our soul-mate is out there.  We just need to get out and find him. 

Well, what’s your dealbreaker? Let us know in the comments.

Senor Fluffy: A Cat’s Tale

One of the best clients an editor could have!

Congrats to Hazel Lynch, one of my favourite editing clients and the author of Senor Fluffy, a Cat’s Tale, for her hilarious new novella.

It’s about a Parisian cat who’s uprooted from his posh home and finds himself coping with the hoi-polloi in New York. Belly-busting funny.

Good job, Hazel!

Here’s her fabulous video.

Here’s a link to a recent Newsday article about her.

And you can find her here.

COVER BLURB FOR SENOR FLUFFY

“I laughed so hard at the adventures of Señor Fluffy and Madame Du Bois, but even more at Fluffy’s friends: a Jamaican Rastafarian cat called Marley; a parrot called Esmeralda who can cook mean Trini street food; a library-card carrying rat called Reena, and so many more. Tears!”

Roslyn Carrington, writer and editor

Excerpt
SERIOUSLY, MDB?

I, Señor Fluffy, am mystified that my owner, Madame Du Bois, is hell bent on going to New York City—that concrete jungle, of all places. I cannot wrap my whiskers around the idea of moving from Paris, the city of lights, where I was born, bred, and living a life of privilege—to embracing the unknown.

Here, I have butlers and housekeepers at my beck and call; the top floor for myself, toys, and several varieties of catnip. I’m accustomed to water flown in from the Swiss Alps, fresh cow’s milk, caviar, salmon, paté, and whatever my heart desires. I Señor Fluffy, fare sumptuously every day.

            Now, Madame Du Bois is obscenely rich. To be candid, though, she is extremely gullible. Just about anyone who comes knocking at our door with a sad tale, convoluted story, or dangling a how-to-get-rich-quick scheme is welcome. Who in their right mind tries to “get rich quick” when they’re already rich? I guess what they say is true: The rich always want to get richer. My Madame Du Bois—or MDB as I call her when I am in a bad mood—gives them any amount of money they ask for, without ever signing a contract—or even a piece of stripped bark.

After about 29 hair-brained schemes—all gone wrong, all causing her to leak money like a drippy tap—she decides she needs to go where no one knows of her foolishness and no one knows her name. And of all places, New York City. I’ve been there and done that, and I am not impressed.

It was a joy to work with you, Hazel!