We’ve all heard of Alpha males and Beta males, but what about the Omegas and the Gammas? There’s an alphabet of men out there, and they’re all worth getting to know. Because as trite as it may sound, it really does take all kinds to make a world.
The Alpha
The Alpha male stands proud at the head of every pack. The Alpha gorilla sports a distinguished streak of silver down his back (hence the name ‘silverback’), which in gorilla-speak means ‘he who has his choice of the best females and the best food, and will beat the daylights out of any male dumb enough to put his hands on either.”
Similarly, the human Alpha male was born to be a CEO, a surgeon, a fireman or any other testosterone-soaked profession you can think of. Alpha males are the stuff of legend, the fabric of romantic fiction. The Alpha strides through life picking any fruit that catches his fancy, and his choice is wide: willing females clamber over each other to catch the eye of the Alpha.
The downside? Alphas are work-obsessed, driven and competitive. They bristle in the presence of another Alpha, especially if women or money are involved. The word ‘relax’ isn’t in their vocabulary. Alphas are heart attacks waiting to happen.
The Beta
The Beta male is usually found in the shadow of the Alpha. Generally not as large or strong, certainly not as driven, the Beta is a mild-mannered fellow who’d rather think than fight. Young Betas like computers because computers don’t corner them in school and punch them out of they don’t pay ‘tax’.
Don’t be fooled, though, Betas are neither cowards nor weaklings. Betas will fight for their females when necessary, although they’ll probably use more ingenuity and skill than brawn. They embrace professions like engineering, teaching and Information Technology. To paraphrase fantasy writer, Christopher Moore, when an Alpha goes to war, chances are he’s driving a tank engineered by a Beta.
Women like Betas because they’re solid and dependable. They make good fathers because they come home to dinner every night and are on hand to read the kids a bedtime story—unlike Alphas, who’d rather be hacking their way through the jungles of Peru looking for lost treasure.
The Omega
Omega animals get to eat the scraps left behind when the Alpha and the Betas have eaten. The human Omega male doesn’t get out much, and when he does, he’s usually part of the Alpha’s entourage: one of ‘de boyz and dem’. But he’s fine with that. He doesn’t want to be an Alpha. Why waste all that time and energy?
Omegas don’t need to sport the latest gear or tote the newest gadget to consider himself cool. The Omega is the anti-cool. He’s what cool would be if cool got sucked into a black hole. The Omega is who he is: that is all.
Although the Alphas and Betas secretly believe the Omega has a giant ‘L’ tattooed on his forehead, the Omega is no loser. The Omega gets by using brains, stealth and cunning. While the Alphas and Betas are out on the football field showing off their mad skillz, the Omega is in the bleachers chatting up the ladies.
Women like Omegas because they’re sweet and shy, which brings out their mommy instinct. Omegas write sentimental poetry and take out passionate ads in the papers declaring their love for you on Valentine’s Day. Omegas know that flattery will get them everywhere.
The Gamma
The Gamma male is, to put it kindly, a bit of a wuss. He’s hesitant to speak up or stand up for his rights. He’s not very ambitious, and as a result his income is low. A Gamma male will not only not fight back when he’s been stepped on; he’ll clean and polish the boots that stepped on him.
When they’re not busy feeling sorry for themselves or hiding from other members of the Man-Alphabet looking to drop-kick them, they’re staring up into the heavens, waiting for a comet to come hurtling out of the sky and put them out of their misery.
Women who like their men dominant should avoid Gammas like the plague. Women who like having the upper hand, and enjoy being adored by someone grateful for their mere presence, can feel free to hunt at will.
Every bread has its cheese
There’s a type of man out there to suit every taste, from the dominant to the retiring. From the ‘frontish’ to the shy. It remains only for us as women to know ourselves well enough to spot the letter that suits us best, so we can enjoy a match made in heaven rather than endure a mis-match made in hell.
Roslyn Carrington is a Beta to her very soul. All letters of the alphabet are welcome to friend her on Facebook.
Thoughts? Other letters to add? Leave them in the comments.
