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What I Learned on Upwork

How to make a living in a borderless world.

In the last week of January, days before my XXth birthday (but that’s irrelevant), I began taking Upwork seriously. I’d signed up on a whim some time last year and never returned. Now, with the local economy sucking as it currently does, it was clear that if I was to continue to enjoy my indoor-pool, designer crockpot, Bahamas-vacation lifestyle, I was going to have to look beyond these shores for work. Hence, the freelance site, Upwork.

In just three months, I’ve been upgraded to Top Rated status, with straight five-star reviews and a customer satisfaction rating that vacillates between 96% and 100%. Not being boasty; being facty. And today I want to share with my fellow freelancers and side-hustlers what I’ve learned.

Much has been said about how hard it is to eke out an existence on freelance sites, but if you learn the tricks, you can make a good living.

Upwork is more than writing

I’m a writer and editor, yes, so that’s the field I’m registered in, but as long as you can deliver a service long distance, whatever it may be, there are people looking for you.

Work that profile

I spent days on my profile, polishing and primping, checking it over again and again, making sure I looked as good as a Miss World pageant applicant, shiny teeth and all. I thought about everything a client would want to know about me, and everything I have achieved that might put me ahead of the competition. This is not a time for modesty.

Check the job listings frequently

Check the job listings relevant to your field of expertise several times a day. In just an hour, an attractive listing can garner 20 applications. You want to be in early.

Check them first thing when you get up and last thing before you go to bed. Remember there are English-speaking clients on the other side of the world—Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, etc.—who are up and posting while you sleep. Get in on that!

Keep your proposals clear, thoughtful and appropriate

Be clear about what you are offering, how and when you intend to deliver. Don’t apply for a job if you have doubts about your ability to fulfill their requirements. You will screw that shit up, and a pissed-off client will blast you in the reviews.

Speaking of which . . .

Remember you are being monitored

All the time. Clients can review your performance after your contract is up, and you can review theirs. Upwork also has an algorithm running in the background that measures “customer satisfaction” according to a number of undisclosed factors. These include how fast you respond, how fast you deliver, how many clients come back asking for you, etc.

There are a few traps I consider unfair. For example, if a client chooses not to review you, it is considered negative, so your rating is affected even when there is no activity. I had a client who was so excited he gushed about what I’d done and rehired me, but he’s not good with computers so couldn’t find the review button. No stars for me, and Upwork thinks he’s pissed off.

I also learned that if the FREELANCER clicks “end contract” it mitigates against you, as opposed to if the CLIENT does. Sucks, eh?

Ask for your review

If your client doesn’t fill out the review field, politely ask, explaining that it impacts on your future jobs. Most of them comply.

Read your proposal carefully

Some clients bury traps and loopholes in their job listing to catch out the slackers who madly apply for every damn job. Like, at the end of a long listing, they will ask you to write “Butterfly” at the start of your proposal. This is to ensure that you have read the entire thing.

Proofread, proofread, proofread

Don’t let a perfectly good proposal be overlooked because of a misspelling or grammatical error. If they have 20 people to choose from and you spell something wrong, consider your ass kicked to the curb.

Separate yourself from the herd

A nice little note like this at the end of a contract lets them know they are special to you.

Clients receive a dazzling number of proposals, especially for the more lucrative posts. How do they choose? Apart from your excellent profile, your qualifications and your carefully framed post, they choose YOU for YOU.

I have asked clients why they picked me out of the pack, and they have all told me, apart from my experience and portfolio, it was my personality. Your proposals must be warm, approachable and fresh . . . but still businesslike. They ain’t your buddy.

Suck it up

Prosperity on Upwork is built upon your reputation, ratings, and experience. You need to put some time in the trenches for people to take you seriously. This means that at the outset, you must be willing to take jobs for a little less that you’re normally earn IRL.

Think of it as paying your dues, or making a sacrifice for free advertisement. Your focus at the outset must be on EARNING YOUR STARS. My first job, I was paid US$35. And I worked on that project FOR DAYS. The result was a five-star rating, an invitation to become one of their permanent writers (I declined) and the promise that they will come to me whenever they have another book to edit. Two of my clients have since offered me 10-book and 6-book contracts for a tidy sum of money.

In time, as your profile rises, you will no longer have to go looking for them; they will come looking for YOU.

Hang on to your self-respect

By the same token, don’t be so focused on building your stars that you let people take advantage of you. There are clients out there who, like certain *cough* jeans and sneaker companies, have no problem leveraging their first-world status over us third-worlders. But you do not live in Bangladesh. You cannot feed your entire tribe on $1 a day.

I will never forget the client who, in my first week, very snidely and patronisingly offered me US$2 for each 500-word article I wrote. “You can get stars,” he dangled before me, “and you can write as many a day as you like!”

Um . . . IRL I get TT$1 a word from my corporate clients. I declined as sweetly and politely as I could, even though the urge to cuss him and all his generations was strong in me. I kept it classy.

Get yourself a Payoneer card

For my Trini homies, it can be hard to sign up with these sites if they demand a US bank account. You can get around that by applying for a Payoneer debit card. It’s secure and reliable, and Upwork pays directly to it. Try Payoneer.com .

Every client is a VIP

It doesn’t matter if they’re paying you $50 or $300; their job is important to THEM. Treat it as such. Give your all, no matter what you’re earning. Be respectful, hard-working, and honest with your time calculations. Every job you deliver should be the best you have ever done. Their happiness (and your stars) will be your reward.

Google your client

Try to find their Facebook, Insta, Twitter, whatever. You might learn a bit about them, and how to approach them. You might also get some red flags. I was very excited about one client I applied to. The job sounded so cool . . . and then I discovered in several online newspapers that he was indicted for a series of major federal offences and was looking at doing a dime behind bars if he was ever convicted.

So, yeah.

Keep at it

Upwork is a commitment. Like a delicate houseplant, it needs daily attention. But if you water it, feed it, give it lots of air, sunlight and love, it will thrive.

What do you think? Any experiences to share? comment below.

I Wanna Be a Millionaire, Too

I don’t get no respect!

Let’s talk about money, even though it’s objectively less appropriate than talking about sex. Money’s cool. I wouldn’t mind having some. I used to make a reasonable, liveable amount, actually, and then, goddammit, I quit to become a full-time writer/editor/origami enthusiast.

Now here I am at fifty-cough, calling up clients with my sweetest cheque-chasing voice once every couple of weeks, rolling over my credit card balance with the deftness of a plate-spinner at the circus, and hoarding loyalty points like rare simoleons.

I recently joined a couple of those freelance aggregate sites, where freelancers and potential clients do a tango as delicate as anything on Ok Cupid, where you coyly flash your diploma, and maybe a book cover or two, in hopes of catching their eye. And then they offer you US$2 each to write them a passel of 500-word articles. No, seriously, someone did. I didn’t even bother to give them a piece of my mind; I need it to trawl for work.

So my whine for today is, why are we writers paid so badly, especially as compared to professionals of equal intelligence, education, and general know-stuffedness? Why would clients sign away their third-born child to pay legal fees but try to beat down my hourly rate because I stopped in the middle of it for coffee?

The chances of making a good living (whatever that means to you) writing are despairingly low. And the chances of making a great, Stephen-King-pays-all-his-town’s-taxes level living? One in several octopusillion.

Look, I don’t need a vast estate surrounded by a gargoyle-topped iron gate. I don’t need to be flying off to Paris on weekends . . . okay, really, I’d kill to fly off to Paris for the weekend. But do ya get what I’m saying? Like Jabberjaw, I just want a little respect.

Even though 2.2 million new books are published every year. Even though people still think, “It won’t take long, so I don’t have to pay much.” Even though most people seem to think that a II in CXC English qualifies them to pen the world’s next breakthrough masterpiece, so why pay me to do it?

All I can say is, writer-folks, we need to stay strong. We need to remember that all authors, including the A list, have to suck up rejection at some point and persist. We need to know when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em. Not to leap at an offer that’s clearly wrong for us just to make a buck. And we need to stand together. If a job doesn’t suit me, I’ll give the client your name; I expect you to do the same for me. If I hear a great tip, or have a wonderful idea, I’m going to share it with you. That’s how our community gets stronger.

And I sure as hot hairy hell ain’t taking no steenking job for $2. The nerve of some people!

Thoughts? Any experiences you’d like to share? (Writing or not?)

Maybe—Just Maybe—Your Editor is Right

(We sometimes are, ya know!)

We writers can be pretty headstrong. We’re adamant about our work, and are always prepared to defend it, right down to the last punctuation mark. I remember annoying the hell out of my editor at Kensington when, pissed off at what I thought was a crappy edit, I flew into a fit of high dudgeon, stetted about fifty of the line editor’s changes, and Fed Exed about 30% of my novel back. Just weeks before printing.

Nobody was to tell me how to write my book!

My editor was not amused. “I got your many changes,” she told me dryly thereafter. I felt a bit abashed then, and as I became more experienced, I realised I was damn lucky she didn’t fire me on the spot. I was damn rude and out of line. Not to mention arrogant, stubborn, and ign’ant.

Now that the metaphorical shoe is on the other figurative foot, and I find myself in the editor’s chair, I encounter writers who, kill them dread, refuse to listen to reason. It’s their book, I don’t know anything, and they’re going to do it their way.

Well, sure. It is your book, after all. You don’t have to change a damn thing. You don’t have to listen to a word I say—as long as you still pay me, sis.

But consider this: Your editor is someone who has been through the wringer herself, who has been there, who has had her work praised and scorned, and who has survived. She’s grey of hair (well, except for the Revlon) and long of tooth. Maybe she knows what she’s talking about.

So I know that being told that you need to fix your story—or, in extreme cases, that it sucks and you need to start over—can sting. It can hurt like a mofo, like someone telling you your baby’s ugly. And you love the hairy little bugger.

But if you love it so much, why not do all you can to make it the best it can be? Instead of seeing your editor’s comments as proof that you’re a terrible person, a bad writer, and a sub-par human being who deserves to be dragged into the orca pool at Sea World, why not try to see it her way? Why not have another go, this time, on her terms?

After all, our primary interest is to make your story better. And we can help you do it, if only you and your ego can get out of your own way.

Any bad editor stories? Share them here. (Good ones, too.)

Inspiration is Perspiration

As opposed to sitting on your hands and moaning that you’re out of ideas.

As a young writer, I used to think of my mind as some sort of divinely inspired mega-computer that was constantly online, plugged into the cosmos, being bombarded by story ideas, quotes and characters like the International Space Station is bombarded by space debris. I remember boasting gleefully to my agent, Deidre Knight of The Knight Agency, that I’d spent the weekend “downloading stories from my brain.” Talk about self-delusion.

As I spent more time writing (and as I grew the hell up), I realised that there’s no cosmic idea-generating alternative universe that has nothing better to do than throw ideas at me like litterbugs tossing beer bottles onto the highway. I discovered that finding ideas was hard—and finding good, fresh, useable ones was damn near impossible.

Y’all know what I mean. We’ve all been there, bashing our head against our keyboard like Don Music at his piano. “I’ll never get it! Never!”

But unless we want our store of ideas to dry up like a frog pond in April, we have to actively seek them out. Here are a few of the places I look for mine—and you can do the same.

Newspaper clippings

Over the years I’ve collected enough newspaper clippings to line a hundred hamster cages. I’m always snipping or tearing out articles that strike my fancy, be they about gruesome murders, weird fetishes, charming towns, or inspiring people. Maybe I’ll never use 90% of them . . . but think of all the things I can do with that last 10%!

Keep your eyes and ears open

Let’s not call it eavesdropping. Let’s call it “Casual attentive overhearing.” People say the damnedest things. Gossip. Scandal. Pathos. Wisdom. Hilarity. It’s all there, falling from the lips of friends and strangers like manna from heaven. And all ya gotta do is gather them up into your basket.

Did you know my novel, Love Me All The Way, was based on a single overheard sentence? I once heard a friend remark that her mother always said, “Never let a man give you pearls; he will one day make you cry.” I was so excited by the idea that I immediately tried to find out how I could turn it into a story. Who would give who pearls? And why would he make her cry?

Thump your Bible

Or any other work of scripture or mythology. The Bible is my favourite source of story ideas, and many of my novels have noticeable threads that trace back to well-loved stories. And why not? The book covers thousands of years of human history and is crammed full of every human foible and flaw: vanity, lust, murder, rape, incest, infidelity, lies, scheming, angels, demons, birth, death, hope and redemption. And that’s just the first couple of pages!

Visit your inner landscape

That’s just a fancy way of saying “daydream”. If you have a day job, develop the skill of working through your story while looking offally, offally interested in the staff-meeting purgatory you’re stuck in. Take discreet notes in the margins of your notepad. Learn to get up and slide into your fantasy while leaving your body behind, looking poised and attentive at the boardroom table.

Read, read, read

If I told you how many people have told me they want to be writers but hate to read, your earlobe hairs would all fall out from shock. Repeat after me: it is impossible to be a writer if you are not a reader. And no, I will not be taking counter-arguments at this time.

Explore your dreams

No, not the one with you, Forrest Gump, a motel room and a banana. Most of the time, dreams are your subconscious taking the piss out of you, but sometimes, the sneaky little diva throws a few gems your way. When it happens, for God’s sake write it down. Dream-ideas last for less time than morning dew on a warm car engine.

Doodle, you doodlebug

Sketches, drawings, charts and vision boards help you see what’s in your head. Once you see it, you can make it grow. And you don’t need to be the next great insert-hot-famous-artist’s-name-here to sketch out your ideas. You’re drawing for you and nobody else. Someone else thinks your WWII rapid-fire artillery canon-whatsit looks like a duck? Their problem, not yours.

Whatever you do, write your ideas down, no matter how dumb they sound at the time. Maybe the next time you look at them they’ll still look dumb.

But then again, maybe they won’t.

My services

get a sample edit

I’ve done my part. Now it’s your turn. Leave a comment below.

So you got a bad review . . .

Whatevs…

Five emoticons showing a range of angry to happy faces

Bad reviews suck. Big time. But if you’re going to be a writer—or a singer or an actor or a knife-juggler—you’re probably going to get them. Name me one Pulitzer Prize winner or Nobel Laureate who never got a thrashing in the press. You need to understand that once you’re in the public eye, you’re opening yourself up to analysis, critique and commentary.

Not all of it’s gonna be good.

It’s wonderful to have your ego massaged by squeals of You’re the best! And When’s your next book? But what do you do when the comments get ugly?

Ask yourself whether it’s justified

I’ve had—ahem—a few negative reviews in my time. My instinct was to cry buckets of tears. They hate me! Waaahhhh! Then I began to ponder. Was any of it justified?

Some oui, some non. Some people said that one of my books (Mesmerized, if you really wanna know) focused too much on the side story and not enough on the romance, which should always be central and shine out above all. “Where was the love?” one reviewer asked. Was she right? I’ll admit it: Yes, she was.

One of my novels featured a hero who got a concussion from a bomb blast, and yet still managed to bounce out of bed in a few days, running around and boinking my heroine. “He should be cloned,” one reviewer said nastily. Kinda mean . . . but she had a point.

I remember the ones that were right, and took those lessons to heart. They made me a better writer.

What if they’re wrong?

I’ve also had reviews that were way off the mark. One person presented a bizarre theory that my characters’ names echoed their personalities almost verbatim: Mattie because she was a doormat and Dominic because he was demonic.

Uh . . . no. That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard.

One book club wrote me to tell me they were blacklisting me because my book didn’t have enough sex in it. Huh? How much sex is enough? The sex fits in the plot line, the characters, and the situation, and that’s all the sex you need.

When reviews are off the mark, spiteful, or dead wrong, forget ‘em. Chalk them up to misguidedness, jealousy, or a mean spirit. Fire up your keyboard and go on.

Ask for clarification

Now, I don’t advise you to email the chief reviewer of the Times, but if you get some hazy feedback from someone you’re actually in contact with, like “Meh, I just didn’t like it,” you’re well within your rights to ask what exactly they didn’t like, so you can try to fix it.

Poll the crowd

One person’s opinion may not hold a lot of weight, but if several people say the same thing, there might be something to it. Ask around. Give or lend a few copies to some trusted friends (maybe not close family members who’d die rather than hurt your feelings) and ask for feedback.

Don’t pad the comments section

For God’s sake, don’t make up a bunch of fake identities and proceed to give yourself godlike five-star reviews. You’re gonna get caught out and trust me, it’s humiliating. Also, don’t shoot back, get nasty, or attack the reviewer online or off. Maintain your grace and dignity. Your image is everything. Remember the Streisand Effect. Small things only get bigger if you call attention to them.

Get expert advice

Ask a professional editor or writing coach—like *cough* me—for their opinion. Although it’s best to do this before you publish, even after it’s out there, some solid pointers might help you avoid the same mistakes next time.

Treat yourself

Okay, so you got a bad review. Cry your tears if you must, but pick yourself up and dust off your knees. You’re a writer, dammit. Writers write, and to hell with other people’s sucky opinions. And to help you get into the mood, treat yourself to something sinful. My poison of choice is one crushed Oreo cookie and a large scoop of Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia, all drowning in Baileys Irish Cream.

But you have whatever suits you, honey. Bottoms up!

Any ‘bad review’ stories to tell? Any advice to share? Comment and let us know.

Why You Need an Editor

The printer’s devil hates you.

Cartoon of a printer with devil's horns.

A while ago I had a conversation with a client who approached me to proofread a major financial document. I agreed, but soon they came back to tell me that higher-ups had vetoed the idea, saying that several people had approved it, so it was okay to print as it was.

Um . . . mebbe, mebbe not.

Now, what I’m about to say might sound arrogant and self-serving, but I don’t mean it as such. Believe me when I say that if any document is meant for public consumption, it’s a really, REALLY good idea to have a professional editor or proofreader look it over.

Here’s why.

An editor’s eye is different

Yes, yes, we’re all educated people here. We can all put together a decent memo or report. But thinking that a document is fine because management has looked it over might be a mistake. When professionals proofread, we examine every single sentence. We check every single punctuation mark. We debate agonisingly over every bulleted list. Periods at the end of each item or no? Indented or flush? We’re by no means infallible, but I can promise you that when you pass your document through the hands of a good editor, it’ll be better for it.

You need someone to double-check your facts

You say the time in Ghana is three hours ahead of Trinidad and Tobago . . . but are you sure? Maybe I can run a quick check on that for you? (Yeah, it’s actually four hours.) Have you correctly spelled the name of your Minister of Parliament? (And do you want them to forever hold you in their craw if you haven’t?) Is the person you’re writing about called Jennifer or Gennifer? I’ll find out for you.

People might actually understand what you’re trying to say

Have you ever had to read something three or four times to be able to understand what the hell it’s saying? *eye roll. If some corporate writers got paid by the number of letters in each word, they could retire and open a coconut ice cream stand in Malibu.

A good editor will help you break down dense copy into easily digestible bites. So your reader doesn’t give up halfway and use your publication to line their hamster cage.

The printer’s devil hates you

Photos printed upside down. No captions. Page numbers screwed up. An entire column in a story says ‘lorem ipsum’ over and over. You notice too late that someone in the background of your cover photo is flashing their boobs. Oops.

Reprints are expensive

You know what’s painful? Getting your booklet back from the printer only to discover a handful of minor typos—or a major, catastrophic one. Which will leave your company with egg on its face, and you stammering before your superiors about how you let it slip past you.

You like to sleep at night

In short, hiring an editor to edit or proofread will give you peace of mind. Someone has taken the time to pick and poke at your valuable document and then stitch it back up again. Feels good, doesn’t it?

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True Porn Clerk Stories

There are more careers in porn than the obvious

I grew up in a country so straight-laced that in the 90s a store owner was charged for selling—I kid you not—a pubic comb, a “male enhancer”, and a pair of men’s underwear imprinted with I Ate the Whole Thing.

In my family, we never had a VCR, cable hadn’t made it to our shores yet, and the Internet was 20 years into the future. In other words, my teenage exposure to porn was distressingly limited to clandestine gawping at 5-minute clips at friends’ houses. I was college-age the first time I saw an entire porn reel from start to finish. I was the only girl there, uncomfortably wedged in on the couch among four or five teenage boys at a friend’s house in Jamaica, when the ‘rents were out. I don’t remember much of the film, but I remember the experience as a landmark.

At 21, post-degree, I gaped around myself in Soho, London, at the neon XXXs flashing in dusty shop windows, with aging bleached-blondes in tatty bustiers standing outside doorways, puffing on fags and catcalling passing men, daring them to enter. In Brussels I worked up the courage to walk into a crack-in-the-wall porn theatre, stupidly stopping at the concessions stand to buy a tuna sandwich and a drink. Too dumb to know that one did not eat in porn theatres.

I lasted five minutes, maybe ten, before I raced outside, never mind the francs I’d wasted, to finish my tuna sandwich in the street. Because a sharply dressed young businessman in a neat grey suit had sat himself a few seats down from me and begun to do what most people do in porn theatres.

In Geneva, my sister, her boyfriend and I ventured unto one of those noble establishments where they sold handcuffs, ball gags, floppy pink dildos and lurid video cassettes out front. To the back, you could rent a private booth for five or ten minutes and “view” the cassette of your choice. There was nothing behind each curtain but a wooden bench, a box of tissues, and a half-full wastebasket. After soaking up the atmosphere and the naughtiness of it all, we left, laughing.

Yeah, so that was my brief introduction to the seamy underside of the porn world. Lame, I know.

Anyhoo, on to True Porn Clerk Stories, a memoir written and narrated by Ali Davis. In short bursts of maybe five minutes each, Ali reminisces about her adventures, paying her way through college by manning the desk in a video store (remember those?) whose downstairs adults-only room was quite popular with the punters.

She relates her stories in a dry, jaded, I’ve-seen-everything voice, and they’ll make you reach for the hand sanitiser. Punters so desperate for their porn fix that they waited outside in the cold for her to come unlock early in the morning. Customers who don’t rewind their tapes are bad enough, but those who return them wet and sticky? Ugh. Racist covers with black men depicted as farm animals. Entire series of videos depicting acts that are still illegal in many territories. Men who try to pick her up, or worse, don’t seem aware that the downstairs room is equipped with CC cameras, and decide to “enjoy the product” on the spot.

Ick, ick, and ick. But so, so funny. You’ll cringe, you’ll empathise, and you’ll certainly laugh.

Pairing

For the punters, I’m gonna pair True Porn Clerk Stories with a classic men’s mackintosh from Adam Baker, because no pervert should venture into a porn store without them.

For you, the listener, I recommend this Earworks ear wash kit, to cleanse and irrigate. Because when you’re done listening, you’re gonna feel like you need it.

(Please note that as an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.)

Interested in writing your own memoir? I can help. Contact me here.

find your next Great Read

Excited to hear your point of view. Please leave a comment below.

Young Me

It’s like staring down a time tunnel.

I made that suit myself, by the way!

My first (and only) book tour: a 10-city tour to promote A Thirst For Rain. In 1999, I think. (Insert Prince song clip here.) Man I was young. And now, looking back on my career and life, it’s interesting to reflect on what Young Roslyn thought about herself. Especially the part about whether or not to have kids! (I have two teens now.)

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Working in My Jammies!

When I started working from home, the thing I looked forward to every day was sitting around in my everyday clothes and scratching my butt. Well, technically, that’s not true. I discovered quite quickly that I was at my most productive when I dressed for work, even when nobody was around to see me. I was less tempted to fall back into bed and drool the day away.

Cartoon of woman working in the lotus position wearing casual clothing. A cup of coffee is next to her and she's working on her laptop.

But I simply wanted to demonstrate the difference between “everyday” and “every day”. It’s staggeringly simple, but many people get it confused, even large corporations in their ads and publications. “We give quality service everyday!” I saw it on a billboard this week and my head steamed so badly my hair went straight.

“Everyday” —one word—means ordinary, blah, dull as dust.

“Every day”—two words—refers to the length of time determined by the solar cycle; the rising and setting of the sun.

Easy peasy. So even though my everyday wear consists of an old T-shirt, a saggy pair of men’s boxers, and a pair of flip-flops, every day God brings I open my eyes and give praise.

Excited to hear your point of view. Leave a comment below.

Why Editors Need to be Edited

We all screw up. Sometimes, spectacularly.

Have you spotted an error on my site? If so, I’d be grateful if you’d point it out to me. I try very hard not to mess things up, but I’m only human. I make mistakes.

That’s why even editors need editors. Want an example? I once wrote in a document, “The sector will weather the storm and emerge un-buttered.”

*hangs head in shame

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