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6 Questions to Ask Him on Your First Date

The first date. It’s a thick hunk of excitement, slathered in promise, sandwiched between two slices of stress. You have to look good . . . but not too good, so he doesn’t think you’re trying too hard. You have to flirt just enough to keep him tantalised, but not so much that he wonders if you’re the kind of girl who’d throw herself at a Good Friday Bobolee if it was wearing cologne and a nice suit.

Plus you have to find out as much as you can about him. Presumably, if you’re actually out with the man, you’ve already ruled out the possibility that he’s an axe murderer or an escapee from an asylum. But there’s a whole lot of stuff you should find out about him before you proceed to date two. And the only way to get information is to come right out and ask.

Here are a few questions that could give you X-ray vision into his mind.

What’s the scariest/grossest/most fun thing you have ever done?

This one will take him off guard. He was probably expecting you to ask about his job, his family, his marital status . . . but this? His answer will give you some insight into what excites him, interests, him, turns him off or on.

Good follow-ups are: And how did you deal with it? What did you learn? Would you do it again?

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?

His answer can tell you how he feels about his heritage (does he want to visit the land of his ancestors?); his boyish fantasies (white-water rafting in Canada, photo safaris in Kenya); or his secret sexual desires (Bangkok, anyone?)

Another similar question: You have $1 million and one week to spend it. Go.

If you could do any job other than the one you’re doing now, what would it be?

This is a twist on the old “what do you do for a living” question, and one that won’t make him feel you’re busy calculating his net worth at the back of your head. His dream career will tell you where his ambitions and skills lie, and how creative he can be when it comes to dreaming big.

Other than your immediate family, what one person has had the most impact on you?

This is a good one because it will tell you what’s important to him: information, guidance, advice, encouragement, etc. It will also show whether he’s grateful for the helping hands he’s received in his life. There’s no such thing as a self-made man. If he shrugs it off and says, “Nobody. I got where I am all on my own,” he’s just fooling himself . . . but not you.

If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why?

Does he want to save the world, raise the dead, defeat bad guys? Cool. Does he want to crush his enemies with an indestructible fist, burn them to a crisp with his laser-beam eyes, and hear the wailing of their womenfolk? Run. Run fast.

Tell me about your longest-lasting friendship, and what keeps you two together?

His answer to this one will tell you what he values about his relationships, and whether he’s a good friend or not. (Remember, before he can become your lover, he’s got to become your friend.)

So there you go: a few questions to keep the conversational ball rolling without leaving him feeling blindsided. He’ll probably be grateful (and flattered) that you’re interested enough to ask. Don’t think about it as an interrogation, think of it as an interview . . . for the privileged position of Keeper of Your Heart.

Questions NEVER to ask on a first date:

Do you want children?
Do you think that girl over there is pretty? Prettier than me?
Can I have a lick of your ice cream?
This dress is ugly, isn’t it? I knew I shouldn’t have worn it. I shouldn’t have worn it, right? It’s okay, you can tell me.
Is your brother single? I’m just asking because . . . well, I’m just asking. . . .

Comments? Any questions you’d like to add? What’s the worst question anyone ever asked you?

How to Help Your Kids Through the Loss of a Pet

Grief has no age limit.

Our Belgian shepherd mix, Kai Lan, died of pneumonia two weeks ago. She had been in treatment for a month, and though she rallied, the treatment didn’t work.

I held her in my arms as her heart pounded frantically, fit to burst out of her chest, and then it faded out like the last notes of a song.

She was ten years old, a friend to all, and well known in our neighborhood for being approachable and vivacious. It was a week before I could fall asleep without hearing again her final gasps.

A couple of years ago, I made the agonising decision to put one of my dogs to sleep. A lovely little girl called Beauty, who had been rallying for three weeks after an accident, but when she developed complications I decided to let her go.

But during that period my kids and I cared for her, hand-feeding her and cleaning her up. When she was hospitalised, we trooped in every afternoon after school to pet her, whisper her name, and let her know we loved her. And when she was gone, perhaps I sobbed more than my children did, but through my tears I realise what an important lesson it all was for them.

Children need pets. There is something about caring for a creature that’s dependent on you that teaches a set of life skills that can’t help but translate into their wider life, both now and into adulthood: compassion, empathy, responsibility, common sense, and discipline. But when the time comes to say goodbye, there are pitfalls to be avoided, and opportunities for growth. Here are some thoughts.

Don’t lie

You may think you’re being kind, but telling your child that your pet ran away will only lead to agonising hours wondering how bad they are that the pet they loved could run away from them; where he is; if he’s cold, wet, and hungry; and so on.

Think you can get away with telling them their pet went to live on a farm? Do you really want to spend the next several months finding excuses why you can’t go visit? Furthermore, if they find out you lied, they’re unlikely to trust you again soon.

Don’t use the sleep metaphor

Don’t tell your child their pet went to sleep and didn’t wake up . . . unless you enjoy calming night terrors or yelling at a kid to get back into bed at eleven at night. When I was a child, my grandmother made me say the prayer, “Now I lay me down to sleep” every night. The line that terrified me was, “And if I die before I wake . . ..”

What? You can die in your SLEEP? If it can happen to their cat, they’re sure to reason that it can happen to them. Boom. Sleepless nights ahead.

Be honest but age appropriate

I think kids get a concept of death pretty early on, and it’s best for them if you explained that their pet was old, injured or ill, and simply died.

In the case of euthanasia, though, try to assess whether your child is capable of understanding the concept of killing out of mercy. If you think the child is old enough, explain that the process is fast, painless, and spares their pet the alternative of dying in slow agony. The last time I had a pet put down my kids would have been about five and seven, a little young in my estimation. I chose to simply tell them their dog had died peacefully, rather than have them think, Mummy murdered Tabby!

Don’t offer an immediate replacement

It might seem a good idea to mask the hurt by saying, “Fluffy’s dead, so let’s get a new kitty!”, but it isn’t. Sure, kids are distracted by new animals, and it would probably put a smile on their face, but it also teaches them that love is disposable and can be easily replaced. It’s not a leap for your child to think, if I die, Mummy will just get a new baby . . ..

Don’t hide your own sadness. Let them know that grief is an appropriate response. Help them acknowledge their grief, work through their pain. Hold a funeral or memorial service. Tell anecdotes about their pet, look at photos, maybe create some artwork depicting happier times. And when the time is right a new pet—a new friend, not a replacement for an old one—will be a happy addition to their family.

What happens after death?

Losing a pet is training for the inevitable time when they will one day experience the loss of a family member or other loved one. Often, they will try to grasp the situation by asking what happens when an animal—or a person—dies. Your response should depend on your family’s beliefs, but it’s also just fine to say, “I don’t know.”

I have to admit I’ve brought up the idea of Rainbow Bridge, a mythical place where pets are believed to go when they die, to frolic for eternity in green pastures, maybe even waiting to see us again. My kids like the idea, I like the idea, and between you and me, it just might exist.

Ever had this experience? What do you think? Please leave a comment.

Yes, we had electricity when I was a kid…

And a few other things I want the young ‘uns to know

Kids born around the turn of the century (like mine) are digital natives, born into an age of technology that the rest of us have watched develop and evolve. They either assume that the lifestyle they take for granted and enjoy was always there, or that everyone over 30 was born in the Stone Age.

So, to satisfy their curiosity, and on behalf of those of us who didn’t have programming code embedded in their DNA, here are a few things Gen Whatever-Letter-We’re-On-Right-Now need to know.

“What was it like back in the olden days, when you were a little girl … you know, before electricity?”

Electricity was around before we were born. But gas stoves still make the best grilled cheese sandwiches.

We only had one TV channel, and it didn’t run all night. It signed on in the morning and signed off at night. If you were bored, you would sit and watch the test pattern, which was a very interesting series of circles and lines. If you were extra bored, you switched to a dead channel and watched the snow.

For a long time, all shows were in black and white. I was six or seven before I discovered that Big Bird was yellow.

We didn’t have remote controls. You had to get up and turn a dial if you wanted the TV louder or softer. Better yet, you made your little sister get up and change it, and while she was doing that, you took her space on the couch.

You only got to see cartoons on Saturday mornings. Woe betide you if you had extra lessons on a Saturday; you’d miss Spiderman and the Flintstones for a whole term.

Once in a while, for no reason whatsoever, your radio suddenly started yelling at you in Spanish. Hence the expression “To cut in like a Spanish radio station.”

When we were out of the house and needed to talk to someone, we had things called “phone booths”, which were teeny little houses with huge phones in them, scattered randomly along the road. You needed 25 cents to make a call, so you usually kept a handful of coins jangling in your purse for this purpose. Most of the time, the phones didn’t work.

You actually had to remember people’s phone numbers, or write them down on paper. If you made a mistake while dialling, you had to hang up and dial again. There was no Back button.

When you needed to buy something, you had to leave your house and go to store. Often, it was your only trip out for the week.

On weekends and during school vacations we rode across the Sahara, forged the Amazon, and hunted crocodiles … all in the empty lot down the street. Our vittles were crackers and peanut butter. Nobody cared what we got up to, as long as we got back before dark.

“You mean, when you were a kid they didn’t have Internet?”

When we had research to do we used these things called “encyclopaedia”, which were thick books that came in sets of 20 or 30, and took up a whole shelf in the library. They were heavy enough to knock a grown man to the floor. We actually had to write stuff down; there was no Wikipedia to cut and paste from.

Power went out. A lot. If it happened at night, you went outside in the yard and played games like “Gypsy in the Moonlight” and “Jane and Louisa will Soon Come Home.” We laughed and told jokes. We didn’t stand by the wireless router and scream at it until power came back.

We talked to our friends face to face. And we knew their real names.

So, yeah, we were born before the Internet. Instead of Playstation we had “Play-in-the-yard”. It may not sound like much to you, but, oh, we had the time of our lives.

Any questions? Any memories to share? Leave them in the comments.

The Irresistible Mr. Cooper

Presenting my first novel in eight years and my first self-published novel. Yay me!

MR. FIX-IT IS VERY GOOD WITH HIS HANDS….
Jenessa Sterling, the sophisticated, successful Corporate Communications Manager of Bianchi’s frozen foods, has a mysterious admirer, who eventually reveals himself to be Mitchell Cooper, the new Head of Maintenance. Tall and hazel-eyed, he’s one of the hottest things to turn up on her horizon in ages, and he’s not afraid to let her know he’s interested.

Jenessa’s flattered, even equally attracted. But there’s one little problem: she’s Management. He’s a glorified handyman. What would her colleagues say? But as her attraction to this sensual, well-read, irresistible man grows, her prejudices begin to fade.

Mitchell is confident enough in his own masculinity that she’ll eventually come around. Far from unlearned and simplistic, he’s a complex, well-educated man who left academia to have more time to care for his 12-year-old niece, Ruby, shielding her from her mother, Mitchell’s crack-addicted sister, Coral. He’s a man who believes in heart, friendship and family.

When sudden layoffs tear the company apart, Jenessa and Mitchell find themselves on opposite sides of an ugly corporate rift, with Jenessa struggling to maintain the company’s reputation, and Mitchell putting his career on the line to bring peace back to the workplace and support the people he believes in.

Their relationship doesn’t sit well with the rest of Bianchi’s, either. His staff think he’s sleeping with the enemy. Her people have threatened to sink her chances of attaining the coveted Vice Presidency if she continues the relationship.

When Mitchell’s sister’s bid to recover Ruby turns dangerous, the couple must refocus their attentions on keeping her safe. In so doing, they forget the barriers between them and discover that love, passion and the bonds of family are enough.

Get it here on Amazon Kindle or Print on Demand

Read it? Comment here.

What I Learned on Upwork

How to make a living in a borderless world.

In the last week of January, days before my XXth birthday (but that’s irrelevant), I began taking Upwork seriously. I’d signed up on a whim some time last year and never returned. Now, with the local economy sucking as it currently does, it was clear that if I was to continue to enjoy my indoor-pool, designer crockpot, Bahamas-vacation lifestyle, I was going to have to look beyond these shores for work. Hence, the freelance site, Upwork.

In just three months, I’ve been upgraded to Top Rated status, with straight five-star reviews and a customer satisfaction rating that vacillates between 96% and 100%. Not being boasty; being facty. And today I want to share with my fellow freelancers and side-hustlers what I’ve learned.

Much has been said about how hard it is to eke out an existence on freelance sites, but if you learn the tricks, you can make a good living.

Upwork is more than writing

I’m a writer and editor, yes, so that’s the field I’m registered in, but as long as you can deliver a service long distance, whatever it may be, there are people looking for you.

Work that profile

I spent days on my profile, polishing and primping, checking it over again and again, making sure I looked as good as a Miss World pageant applicant, shiny teeth and all. I thought about everything a client would want to know about me, and everything I have achieved that might put me ahead of the competition. This is not a time for modesty.

Check the job listings frequently

Check the job listings relevant to your field of expertise several times a day. In just an hour, an attractive listing can garner 20 applications. You want to be in early.

Check them first thing when you get up and last thing before you go to bed. Remember there are English-speaking clients on the other side of the world—Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, etc.—who are up and posting while you sleep. Get in on that!

Keep your proposals clear, thoughtful and appropriate

Be clear about what you are offering, how and when you intend to deliver. Don’t apply for a job if you have doubts about your ability to fulfill their requirements. You will screw that shit up, and a pissed-off client will blast you in the reviews.

Speaking of which . . .

Remember you are being monitored

All the time. Clients can review your performance after your contract is up, and you can review theirs. Upwork also has an algorithm running in the background that measures “customer satisfaction” according to a number of undisclosed factors. These include how fast you respond, how fast you deliver, how many clients come back asking for you, etc.

There are a few traps I consider unfair. For example, if a client chooses not to review you, it is considered negative, so your rating is affected even when there is no activity. I had a client who was so excited he gushed about what I’d done and rehired me, but he’s not good with computers so couldn’t find the review button. No stars for me, and Upwork thinks he’s pissed off.

I also learned that if the FREELANCER clicks “end contract” it mitigates against you, as opposed to if the CLIENT does. Sucks, eh?

Ask for your review

If your client doesn’t fill out the review field, politely ask, explaining that it impacts on your future jobs. Most of them comply.

Read your proposal carefully

Some clients bury traps and loopholes in their job listing to catch out the slackers who madly apply for every damn job. Like, at the end of a long listing, they will ask you to write “Butterfly” at the start of your proposal. This is to ensure that you have read the entire thing.

Proofread, proofread, proofread

Don’t let a perfectly good proposal be overlooked because of a misspelling or grammatical error. If they have 20 people to choose from and you spell something wrong, consider your ass kicked to the curb.

Separate yourself from the herd

A nice little note like this at the end of a contract lets them know they are special to you.

Clients receive a dazzling number of proposals, especially for the more lucrative posts. How do they choose? Apart from your excellent profile, your qualifications and your carefully framed post, they choose YOU for YOU.

I have asked clients why they picked me out of the pack, and they have all told me, apart from my experience and portfolio, it was my personality. Your proposals must be warm, approachable and fresh . . . but still businesslike. They ain’t your buddy.

Suck it up

Prosperity on Upwork is built upon your reputation, ratings, and experience. You need to put some time in the trenches for people to take you seriously. This means that at the outset, you must be willing to take jobs for a little less that you’re normally earn IRL.

Think of it as paying your dues, or making a sacrifice for free advertisement. Your focus at the outset must be on EARNING YOUR STARS. My first job, I was paid US$35. And I worked on that project FOR DAYS. The result was a five-star rating, an invitation to become one of their permanent writers (I declined) and the promise that they will come to me whenever they have another book to edit. Two of my clients have since offered me 10-book and 6-book contracts for a tidy sum of money.

In time, as your profile rises, you will no longer have to go looking for them; they will come looking for YOU.

Hang on to your self-respect

By the same token, don’t be so focused on building your stars that you let people take advantage of you. There are clients out there who, like certain *cough* jeans and sneaker companies, have no problem leveraging their first-world status over us third-worlders. But you do not live in Bangladesh. You cannot feed your entire tribe on $1 a day.

I will never forget the client who, in my first week, very snidely and patronisingly offered me US$2 for each 500-word article I wrote. “You can get stars,” he dangled before me, “and you can write as many a day as you like!”

Um . . . IRL I get TT$1 a word from my corporate clients. I declined as sweetly and politely as I could, even though the urge to cuss him and all his generations was strong in me. I kept it classy.

Get yourself a Payoneer card

For my Trini homies, it can be hard to sign up with these sites if they demand a US bank account. You can get around that by applying for a Payoneer debit card. It’s secure and reliable, and Upwork pays directly to it. Try Payoneer.com .

Every client is a VIP

It doesn’t matter if they’re paying you $50 or $300; their job is important to THEM. Treat it as such. Give your all, no matter what you’re earning. Be respectful, hard-working, and honest with your time calculations. Every job you deliver should be the best you have ever done. Their happiness (and your stars) will be your reward.

Google your client

Try to find their Facebook, Insta, Twitter, whatever. You might learn a bit about them, and how to approach them. You might also get some red flags. I was very excited about one client I applied to. The job sounded so cool . . . and then I discovered in several online newspapers that he was indicted for a series of major federal offences and was looking at doing a dime behind bars if he was ever convicted.

So, yeah.

Keep at it

Upwork is a commitment. Like a delicate houseplant, it needs daily attention. But if you water it, feed it, give it lots of air, sunlight and love, it will thrive.

What do you think? Any experiences to share? comment below.

Weird First Dates

Sometimes, you’re better off just staying home.

Blind dates aren’t for everyone. It’s hard enough going through that first date with someone you know, but going out with someone you’ve never even met before can be a little . . . well, here are a few stories that will show you what we mean.

“When we were chatting online he told me he loved women’s feet. He even asked me for a ‘foot selfie’, if you can call it that. I thought he was joking. When we met up, the first thing he did was look down at my toes, peeking through my sandals . . . and he got really, really excited. Like, orgasm at the table, excited. I was so weirded out I faked an emergency and told him I had to go home.”

“His car was so rusty I could see the road through the floor. I was worried the bottom might fall out. I kept thinking of Fred Flintstone.”

“Some friend of his called and gave him the whole run down about some woman the friend met at a club the night before. He kept sympathising with him, and advising him how you mustn’t treat ‘them skanks’ too good. After the call ended, he looked at me, smiled, and said, ‘Not you, eh, baby’.”

“He had this old, beat-up cage on the back seat. He saw me watching it and told me he liked to catch squirrels in the forest. He laughed when he said it, so I think he was joking, but jeez . . . I couldn’t get my mind off squirrels all night.”

“His sister came with us, and they got into a fight. About him making his mother wash his clothes. He dropped her off at City Gate and told her to take a maxi taxi home.”

“He was a health freak. At dinner, he told me he didn’t eat anything white: rice, milk, sugar, flour . . .. When my dessert came, he asked me if anybody in my family had diabetes.”

“He paid for dinner with a 30% off coupon.”

Had any weird ones lately? Share them in the comments. Pleeaase?

The Pros and Cons of Being a Cougar

Who WOULDN’T want to be nibbled all over by a warm, fuzzy kitty?

Ever since Neanderthal men first learned to bonk us on our heads and drag us to their lairs, the older man/younger woman scenario has been the norm. And let’s not fool ourselves: it still is. But these days, we have more options. We’re economically and socially free to choose our mates, be they of our own vintage or otherwise. The older woman/younger man scenario no longer raises eyebrows. Ladies, welcome to the Age of the Cougar.

Be warned, however, not all of society is on the same page, so while dating a younger man has its plusses, it also has its minuses. Here’s what we mean.

When going out to dinner at a fancy restaurant

PRO: As the more seasoned and better travelled person, you get to pass on your greater experience with fine food and wine. Perhaps even charm him with an anecdote or two about roasting goat meat over an open fire while backpacking in Andorra.

CON: The waiter takes his drink order, then asks him, “And what sill your auntie be having to drink, sir?”

When going dancing

PRO: He knows all the hot places, all the new dances, and has boundless energy, enough to dance all night and still have lots left over for later . . . if you know what I mean.

CON: You’re used to having your blankie tucked under your chin by eleven . . . which is the time he actually intends to come pick you up for your date.

Arts, music and culture

PRO: He’ll see you as a fountain of knowledge. There are so many things you can teach him, and so many ways to be his muse.

CON: He’ll give you a blank look when you mention bands like REO Speedwagon, and the information that “We Are The World” for Haiti is actually a remake just might floor him.

Your body, his temple

PRO: Most men are less judgmental than you think. You may hate your poochy tummy, but to him, you’re a goddess. One who’s old enough to know not to giggle or chew gum while making out.

CON: If you go back to his place, brace yourself for all the posters of 19-year-old supermodels on his wall, and Lara Croft on his computer wallpaper. He’s a man, after all, and men like to look.

His previous relationships

PRO: Less baggage, such as ex-wives, children, broken hearts, bitterness, and all the emotional clutter that comes with it.

CON: Less experience, which makes him more likely to suffer from foot-in-mouth disease when it comes to talking things through.

When you’re in bed

PRO: He’s in his sexual prime, practically drowning in hormones. Enthusiastic, energetic, and happy to pick up a few tips from someone who’s taken a few more trips around the planet than he has.

CONS: What cons? Did you really think there’d be cons to this? Roar, cougars! Roar!

Cougars unite! Comment below!

He’s chalk. You’re cheese.

Because opposites attract.

How do you make love work?

Carnival has whooshed past, and probably you spent it chipping down the road with your honey. A few of you, however, either played Mas alone, fending off the hound-dogs eager to buss a wine on an unaccompanied female, because your man can’t stand crowds, or fuming alone at home, your hopes for a romantic cuddle-fest dashed, while he ran around town flinging water and powder.

It’s great to have a soulmate, but what happens when your ideas of fun are so diverse that when one of you is having a ball, the other is grinding his teeth?

If it don’t fit, don’t force it

If your idea of a weekend well spent is screaming at horses as they race around the track, while he couldn’t tell a mare from a mule, don’t drag the man to Santa Rosa. He’ll spend the day glancing at his watch and stifling yawns, and you’ll feel guilty, or, worse yet, irritated by his glassy-eyed stares while you try to explain the meaning of “Daily Double”. If he loves breathing the dust left behind by rally cars, while you can’t fathom why grown men squeal like little girls over gold-toned mag rims, you’re better off letting him hit the rally route on his own.

Being in love doesn’t mean you have to live in each other’s pockets. Your every passion doesn’t need to be fully synced for you to be compatible. After all, Jack Sprat and his wife had opposing culinary tastes, and they got along just fine.

Find a hobby-buddy

You don’t have to indulge your passion alone just because he’s not with you. Join an online forum, or link up with friends who are just as into your passion as you are. But be careful; if your hobby-buddy is male, and attractive to boot, you just might be letting your lover’s green-eyed monster out of its cage.

Find common ground

Come on! There MUST be something you and your lover can find to enjoy together—other than the obvious, wink, wink. If neither of you has a hobby or interest that the other appreciates, find one. Take a creative class together. Try something you’ve never tried before. You’re already connected by love; there must be a common yearning inside of you longing to be filled. You just need to find it, run with it, and discover another great reason why you’re meant to be together.

Well, any more strategies to add? Let’s hear ‘em in the comments!

To Wine or Not to Wine

I know my answer. What’s yours?

Carnival is freedom, self-expression, release, beauty, sex, madness and mud. And, of course, Carnival is wining, that gyrating, hip-swivelling, bottom-rolling motion that few women not born on this soil can even hope to perfect.

And Carnival, bless it, is the one time when women of every hue and colouration, every creed, stripe and social strata, can toss aside their sensible secretary’s pumps, their surgeon’s mask, their welder’s gloves, their teacher’s red-ink pen and become in public the women they have only allowed themseelves to be in private. Carnival is one big show, and we, the women, are on stage.

But the whole world is watching, and the further our liberties stretch, the harsher the conservative backlash is likely to be. Because make no mistake, the other 363 days of the year, Trinidad and Tobago is as prudish and buttoned-down as it is possible for a Western nation to be, and the Savannah concourse is littered with the ruined reputations of women who have been reviled, mocked, sanctioned, and even fired, for having been caught wining by the wrong person . . . or the wrong camera lens.

So, with Carnival upon us, is a wining woman a glory to behold, or a Jezebel to be shunned?

Wining is natural and spontaneous

The majority of people polled . . . especially men . . . think that wining is not just okay, but an essential part of our Mas and our culture. Some even think wining is as natural as breathing for us. “It’s cultural,” says one man. “We may call it different things (church people praise and dance, but they do NOT WINE, perish the thought) but the hip and buttock movements are as much a part of us as is breathing. We have to work hard not to swing our hips naturally.”

Wining is seduction

In any Carnival fete, in any Carnival band, you’ll find twenty woman to one man, at least according to the results of the scientific survey conducted years ago by the respected statistician, Professor Kitch. So what better forum in which to entice, display and seduce?

“Wining is how we talk to men,” says a veteran female Mas player, “Without using our lips. We let the hips talk for us.” And the men listen. To them, wining is a come-hither look that originates in the eyes and travels downward. And even if it goes no further than that, even if the searing-hot contact a woman makes on the dance floor is, to quote one local poet, “just a wine”, we break apart and step away feeling better about ourselves. We blossom under the warmth of male admiration as flowers do in the sun.

Is wining new?

Another gentleman questions whether the wining phenomenon has really been around as long as we think. “I’ve seen a lot of footage of people dancing in the streets at Carnival in the 1970s, 60s, and 50s. From none of those videos have I ever seen a woman wine. Dance, sway the hips a bit, yes . . . but not ‘wine’.”

If this is so, then the question arises whether the impulse to wine was always there, stifled by social convention, and is only now being given its freedom to run (or, rather, roll) as the constraints of social mores relax?

“It have wine, and it have WINE”

As much as we admire a good winer, there is a prevailing sense that there are limits to what is and is not acceptable. There is a general sense of “play your Mas, but set your boundaries.” As another female Mas lover puts it, “Many Carnivals ago, I had the opportunity to watch a young masquerader wine and dance and enjoy herself. She went down to the ground and move all around and nothing about how she conducted herself was lewd or vulgar. She was enjoying her Mas . . . then there are those who choose to have sex in the streets and take it to the next level. It is how you carry and conduct yourself.”

As far as that goes, unfortunately, lewdness is in the eye of the beholder. What may be a tame little shimmy for one person may be a shameless display to another. It’s even more unfortunate that while women are still being judged by their attire and conduct at Carnival and beyond, men seldom are.

By and large, though, the sight of a wining woman, a woman working her costume, enjoying her temporary escape from the rigid boundaries that barricade most of us, a woman who loves to be looked at and, in that moment, knows that she is sexy and desirable, is a beautiful thing to behold.

The sight of this kind of winer, celebrating her freedom and womanhood, rarely evokes shock, and seldom gives rise to a negative reaction from her enthralled audience. “It doesn’t change my view of women,” a young man observes. “It extends it. It completes it.”

Excited to hear your point of view. Please leave a comment below.

Pangrams

A sentence that contains all 26 letters is called a pangram. The best known one is “The quick brown fox,” yada yada, but there a few lesser known ones, like:

The five boxing wizards jump quickly. (Great if you’re a Harry Potter fan)
Jinxed wizards pluck ivy from the big quilt. (Also seriously Potteresque)
Crazy Fredrick bought many very exquisite opal jewels.

Between you and me, making up pangrams is a great way to pass time in a boring meeting. You look quite serious, and you’re writing stuff down, so you have to be working, right?

Do you think you can come up with one? Post it in the comments below. Found a good one online? Post that, too.

(Info sourced from HowStuffWorks.com)

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