What’s your deal breaker?
That’s it! You’ve had it with that man and you’re calling it quits. You’re going to round up a posse of girlfriends, head out to a pub, drown your sorrows in Ultimate Mudslides and bury them under a mound of Buffalo wings. But how did it come to this? What did the poor guy do?
I polled a group of women to find out what would be the last straw to break the back of their relationship. Here’s what they said:
He cheated on me
According to Dante’s Inferno, the penalty for cheating is to spend all eternity in the second circle of Hell. Infidelity is the great-granddaddy of all relationship sins. The majority of women put this one at the top of their list.
Not surprising. Cheating hurts. And no matter how much we tell ourselves it’s his fault, and his problem, it leaves us wide open to self-doubt and recrimination. Why her and not me? Is she prettier, smarter, nicer? And—the kicker—is she better in bed?
Even for those willing to overlook the ‘diss’ and give the man a second chance, cheating breaks the fragile bond of trust, and that’s the hardest thing to regain. As one office manager in her forties put it, “I don’t question that I could forgive a guy who cheated on me, but I don’t think I’d trust them again. And it would be too hard to live with someone you didn’t trust.”
He’s ‘on the down-low’
A communications officer in her thirties painted the infidelity issue a slightly different hue: “If he was seeing another man!” In a homophobic society such as ours, it’s not surprising that many gay and bisexual men aren’t willing to have open relationships with other men. As a result, they live a double life, publicly dating women while privately sleeping with men. And while we understand the pressures of living up to the expectations of others, cheating is cheating, and we’re going to show him the door.
He doesn’t respect me
Aretha Franklin said it best. Women don’t just want respect; we demand it—or the deal’s off. One senior executive at a cruise ship company said, “If he’s dismissive or starts taking me for granted, making me a low priority in his life…at that point, next!”
Lack of respect manifests itself in many ways, including lack of consultation on important issues, mean or dismissive comments in public, and not giving you time to speak your piece during an argument. Anyhow you slice it, the guy’s gotta go.
He’s cruel
“If my man hit me even once, he’d never get another chance.” Domestic violence was a big issue with the ladies, of course, but it didn’t just end with cruelty to a woman or her children. One professional dog breeder points out that cruelty to animals is just as bad. “I had a boyfriend who kicked a puppy of mine once. Broke up with him on the spot. Violence toward something weaker and more vulnerable is not macho, it shows a weak ego and character.”
He only talks the talk
There are a lot of mocking pretenders out there who talk a great game but can’t back it up. A writer of Young Adult fiction says, “He can tell you everything he hopes to accomplish, lay it all out for you, but NEVER make any effort to go out and use the information he’s researched. Eventually, you’re going to get tired of all the talk.”
He doesn’t want kids
A deeply religious office worker in her early twenties insists she’ll walk away without a backward glance if the man didn’t want kids. Furthermore, while he doesn’t have to be from her religion, if he had a problem with her raising them in her religion, she’d call it quits.
He’s broke
A married writer, former singer and actor says, “A gentleman does not allow the lady to pay the bill. I do my share of treating and gift giving when the relationship is established. But early on, during the courtship and wooing period, he should pay. I’d offer to go Dutch but it’s a disingenuous offer. If he says ok, I’ll be disheartened. He clearly is not trying too hard to impress me.” Nope, women surely don’t want no scrubs.
More reasons to dump him
Other women threw these dating no-nos into the mix:
- “A Mamma’s boy who turned the relationship into a soap-opera, casting his mother in the leading role. Too much drama.”
- “If he turned out to be a pervert, a sexual predator or serial killer.”
- “Unreliability – not to be able to trust or rely on him.”
- “If he didn’t help out at home with children and chores.”
- “If he was possessive.”
- “If he was addicted to drugs or alcohol.”
- “If our lifestyles and goals didn’t match.”
Sometimes, we need a clean slate
Whether the actual breakup is gentle and diplomatic or fast and brutal, we must find the courage to act when it’s time to move on. After all, our soul-mate is out there. We just need to get out and find him.
Well, what’s your dealbreaker? Let us know in the comments.
