January 2020 - The Scribble Pad

Maybe—Just Maybe—Your Editor is Right

(We sometimes are, ya know!)

We writers can be pretty headstrong. We’re adamant about our work, and are always prepared to defend it, right down to the last punctuation mark. I remember annoying the hell out of my editor at Kensington when, pissed off at what I thought was a crappy edit, I flew into a fit of high dudgeon, stetted about fifty of the line editor’s changes, and Fed Exed about 30% of my novel back. Just weeks before printing.

Nobody was to tell me how to write my book!

My editor was not amused. “I got your many changes,” she told me dryly thereafter. I felt a bit abashed then, and as I became more experienced, I realised I was damn lucky she didn’t fire me on the spot. I was damn rude and out of line. Not to mention arrogant, stubborn, and ign’ant.

Now that the metaphorical shoe is on the other figurative foot, and I find myself in the editor’s chair, I encounter writers who, kill them dread, refuse to listen to reason. It’s their book, I don’t know anything, and they’re going to do it their way.

Well, sure. It is your book, after all. You don’t have to change a damn thing. You don’t have to listen to a word I say—as long as you still pay me, sis.

But consider this: Your editor is someone who has been through the wringer herself, who has been there, who has had her work praised and scorned, and who has survived. She’s grey of hair (well, except for the Revlon) and long of tooth. Maybe she knows what she’s talking about.

So I know that being told that you need to fix your story—or, in extreme cases, that it sucks and you need to start over—can sting. It can hurt like a mofo, like someone telling you your baby’s ugly. And you love the hairy little bugger.

But if you love it so much, why not do all you can to make it the best it can be? Instead of seeing your editor’s comments as proof that you’re a terrible person, a bad writer, and a sub-par human being who deserves to be dragged into the orca pool at Sea World, why not try to see it her way? Why not have another go, this time, on her terms?

After all, our primary interest is to make your story better. And we can help you do it, if only you and your ego can get out of your own way.

Any bad editor stories? Share them here. (Good ones, too.)

7 Bad Habits to Kick This Year

Old habits deserve to die

We start every new year with a list of resolutions, and most of the time, one person’s resolutions are pretty much like the other’s. Lose weight, give up alcohol, be a better person, yadda yadda. All well and good, but those big-ticket items tend to mask nasty little habits we should strive to ditch for good. Here’s are seven mini-resolutions that really make sense.

1. Stop cussing

Cussing is a great way to vent pent-up emotions, but let’s face it: the vocabulary is limited and lacks imagination. Display your literary side by memorising a few choice insults from greats like Shakespeare. Among his gems are: “More of your conversation would infect my brain”, “You ramping fool”, or “You diffused infection of a man!” Ouch, ouch, and ouch.

Not only will you look smarter than they, but they’ll be too speechless to think of a comeback.

2. Stop hanging out with friends who aren’t good for you

You wore matching dresses to grad and shared your worst secrets. We get it; you’ve been friends a long time. But if you find yourself wondering why, maybe you should re-examine the relationship. Are you in a better or worse mood after you spend time with this person? How do you feel about yourself when you two are done talking?

If your old buddy tires you out or encourages you to backslide into vices you thought you’d conquered, it’s time to cut the tie that binds. Gently, kindly, but firmly set yourself free.

3. Stop letting time slip through your fingers

How much time do you spend on the road, standing in line, or waiting on others every day? Multiply that by 7. Then by 4. Then by 12. Got the picture? Find ways to make every second count. Never leave the house without a book. If you’re driving, slip in an audiobook or a meditation chant, anything that will make you feel better or increase your knowledge. Claim back those chunks of time that are going down the drain.

4. Stop avoiding your mother

You call your mom once a week to keep your conscience quiet, even though you know you’re in for an earful that includes a list of her current ailments, a complaint about her neighbour’s tree dropping rotten mangoes in her yard, and a demand for an explanation of why you don’t go to church more often.

Stop letting your caller ID be your shield. Little boys and girls grow up, and the balance shifts. She needs your companionship and your ear as much as you once needed hers. If you stopped hiding from her like a naughty puppy, you’ll enjoy your time together more.

5. Stop pleasing people all the time

Yes, Ma’am, no Sir, oh, I really wanted to eat Arabic, but if you feel like Chinese, well . . . okay . . . . Sounds familiar? We as women have a habit of choking down our own wants and needs in order to make others feel better, to be nice, or simply out of the fear that if we stand up for what we want we will be dismissed as a colossal B-word.

Well, what’s so bad about being a colossal B-word sometimes? Because the opposite of that is ‘doormat’, and getting constantly stepped-on is no fun. It leaves you feeling wiped-out — yes, pun most certainly intended — emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

So every once in a while, dig in those heels and get what YOU want.

6. Stop living in the past

Brand new year, brand new chance to reinvent yourself and your future. Living in the past is like being stuck in an eternal loop, like in the movie Groundhog Day. It’s not only self-defeating, it’s boring. And pointless.

At some time or other you were stupid, careless, unkind, clueless, and, well, human. Just like everyone else. Forgive yourself and move on.

7. Stop putting yourself down

If your friend was as negative about you as you are about yourself, would you spend time with her? I think not. Make your self-chat more positive. That way, you’ll enjoy your own company better, and give your ego a boost. And voila, a better you.

What habits do you think we should add to the list? Comment here and tell us.

Maysoon Zayid Found Her Dream

We dream or we die.

Cover of Maysoon Zayid's book, Find Another Dream

Maysoon Zayid likes to joke that her situation makes other people feel better about their lives. After all, she’s a brown-skinned, female, Muslim Palestinian with cerebral palsy. “If that doesn’t make you feel better about yourself,” she jokes, “Something’s really wrong with you!”

Yup. She’s got it coming at her from all sides. As she explained in her Audible memoir, Find Another Dream, she was robbed of oxygen by the drunken sot of a doctor who delivered her. She twitches incessantly, something she says is exhausting, and I believe her. She wasn’t supposed to be able to walk, but her father taught her how, by placing her feet upon his and walking her around the room, the way my father danced with me.

She got speech therapy to be clearly understood, and dance lessons instead of physio, which her parents couldn’t afford. And yet, when she announced in dance class that she wanted to dance professionally, her instructor patronisingly sneered, “Find another dream.”

Yeah, about that . . . . Not only has she danced and acted on Broadway, but she travels all over the world doing stand-up, appeared with Adam Sandler in Don’t Mess with the Zohan, and has a recurring role on General Hospital. And her TED Talk has, like, a hundred trillion views. You can check it out here.

Though American born, she travels to Palestine regularly, to act as an advocate for those who are suffering, especially the children. She’s somehow become the poster girl for many causes: women, brown people, Arabs, and the disabled, and manages to fill all those roles with great humour.

She has her own stuff going on on YouTube, too, like her video series, Advice You Don’t Want to Hear, and is a regular on celebrity talk shows and stand-up stages around the world. The book is short, but such fun that I went running to see what else she had out there.

You just got yourself a fan, girl!

Read it? Or are you reading something else you’d like to recommend. Tell us!

Writers are empty, not blocked

Get out of what-to-write-next jail.

Like everyone else, I’ve been fanged by the evil writers’ block vampire, finding myself curled up on the floor, ash-pale, dried-out and wondering what the hell happened and why I can’t produce a word.

But we writers are strong, creative, and ambitious. We’re heroes in our own stories, and whenever we’re faced with adversity, we suck it up and keep on going.

Years ago I read something that forever changed the way I looked at writers’ b-word. No idea who said it or even where I read it, but I’ll never forget. It went like this: “Writers are empty, not blocked.”

In other words, when we find ourselves out of ideas, it’s not that there’s a giant obstacle inside us, a wall erected somewhere in our cerebellum standing between us and a million-dollar, best-selling idea. Often, it’s that we’ve allowed ourselves to become barren, using up our creative stores without replenishing them.

So how do we fill ourselves up again?

Travel

Ideally, to Paris, Khartoum, or the Gobi Desert, but if your bank balance thinks that’s hilarious, maybe take a drive to another town, or out into the country. Park up and take a stroll. See new people (better yet, talk to them), taste new food, change your perspective.

Try a different genre

Lemme tell ya, I’m all burned out with romance, and don’t see myself writing another soon. Which is why I’m so gung-ho about memoirs these days. I’m learning a new skill and freshening up my jaded brain cells.

Read, read, read

Maybe you’re just bored. Maybe you spend so much time writing that you’ve forgotten that writers are readers at heart. Trying a new author or going back to your favourite might be just the tonic you need. (Notice I didn’t say “plagiarise, plagiarise, plagiarise”. Don’t let what you read penetrate so deeply that it influences what you write. There be dragons.)

Look inside yourself

Are you really not finding anything to write about or are you sabotaging yourself? Is there something that scares you, something you’re afraid would happen if you did finish your project? Success? Failure? Self-exposure? Bad reviews? The subconscious mind is a hell of a thing. Maybe you have something to sort out before you’re at peace with yourself enough to slam that keyboard once again?

Pack it in

At least temporarily. Go to your favourite pastry shop and challenge yourself to see how many calories you can consume in half an hour. Work out. See a movie. Have sex (I wish, ha.) Smoke a joint. (I can say that now that it’s been decriminalised in Trinidad. Yay!) (Also please note that I have never had a spliff in my life. Boo.) Go buy some sexy underwear; I find purple lace works best for me. Or a funny T shirt emblazoned with some pithy observation; the snarkier the better. Draw a mustache on the dog. Do anything that distracts you from the pickle you’re in.

Like a wary butterfly, inspiration will land on you if you stop trying to hard to catch it. Good luck, amigos.

Did any of these work for you? Let me know in the comments!