Month: April 2020

Blind dates aren’t for everyone. It’s hard enough going through that first date with someone you know, but going out with someone you’ve never even met before can be a little . . . well, here are a few stories that will show you what we mean.

• “When we were chatting online he told me he loved women’s feet. He even asked me for a ‘foot selfie’, if you can call it that. I thought he was joking. When we met up, the first thing he did was look down at my toes, peeking through my sandals . . . and he got really, really excited. Like, orgasm at the table, excited. I was so weirded out I faked an emergency and told him I had to go home.”

• “His car was so rusty I could see the road through the floor. I was worried the bottom might fall out. I kept thinking of Fred Flintstone.”

• “Some friend of his called and gave him the whole run down about some woman the friend met at a club the night before. He kept sympathising with him, and advising him how you mustn’t treat ‘them skanks’ too good. After the call ended, he looked at me, smiled, and said, ‘Not you, eh, baby’.”

• “He had this old, beat-up cage on the back seat. He saw me watching it and told me he liked to catch squirrels in the forest. He laughed when he said it, so I think he was joking, but jeez . . . I couldn’t get my mind off squirrels all night.”

• “His sister came with us, and they got into a fight. About him making his mother wash his clothes. He dropped her off at City Gate and told her to take a maxi taxi home.”

• “He was a health freak. At dinner, he told me he didn’t eat anything white: rice, milk, sugar, flour . . .. When my dessert came, he asked me if anybody in my family had diabetes.”

• “He paid for dinner with a 30% off coupon.”

Had any weird ones lately? Share them in the comments. Pleeaase?

Ever since Neanderthal men first learned to bonk us on our heads and drag us to their lairs, the older man/younger woman scenario has been the norm. And let’s not fool ourselves: it still is. But these days, we have more options. We’re economically and socially free to choose our mates, be they of our own vintage or otherwise. The older woman/younger man scenario no longer raises eyebrows. Ladies, welcome to the Age of the Cougar.

Be warned, however, not all of society is on the same page, so while dating a younger man has its plusses, it also has its minuses. Here’s what we mean.

When going out to dinner at a fancy restaurant

PRO: As the more seasoned and better travelled person, you get to pass on your greater experience with fine food and wine. Perhaps even charm him with an anecdote or two about roasting goat meat over an open fire while backpacking in Andorra.

CON: The waiter takes his drink order, then asks him, “And what sill your auntie be having to drink, sir?”

When going dancing

PRO: He knows all the hot places, all the new dances, and has boundless energy, enough to dance all night and still have lots left over for later . . . if you know what I mean.

CON: You’re used to having your blankie tucked under your chin by eleven . . .  which is the time he actually intends to come pick you up for your date.

Arts, music and culture

PRO: He’ll see you as a fountain of knowledge. There are so many things you can teach him, and so many ways to be his muse.

CON: He’ll give you a blank look when you mention bands like REO Speedwagon, and the information that “We Are The World” for Haiti is actually a remake just might floor him.

Your body, his temple

PRO: Most men are less judgmental than you think. You may hate your poochy tummy, but to him, you’re a goddess. One who’s old enough to know not to giggle or chew gum while making out.

CON: If you go back to his place, brace yourself for all the posters of 19-year-old supermodels on his wall, and Lara Croft on his computer wallpaper. He’s a man, after all, and men like to look.

His previous relationships

PRO: Less baggage, such as ex-wives, children, broken hearts, bitterness, and all the emotional clutter that comes with it.

CON: Less experience, which makes him more likely to suffer from foot-in-mouth disease when it comes to talking things through.

When you’re in bed

PRO: He’s in his sexual prime, practically drowning in hormones. Enthusiastic, energetic, and happy to pick up a few tips from someone who’s taken a few more trips around the planet than he has.

CONS: What cons? Did you really think there’d be cons to this? Roar, cougars! Roar!

Cougars unite! Comment below!