Free Advice Archives - Tips and Tricks on Writing

How to Help Your Kids Through the Loss of a Pet

Grief has no age limit.

Our Belgian shepherd mix, Kai Lan, died of pneumonia two weeks ago. She had been in treatment for a month, and though she rallied, the treatment didn’t work.

I held her in my arms as her heart pounded frantically, fit to burst out of her chest, and then it faded out like the last notes of a song.

She was ten years old, a friend to all, and well known in our neighborhood for being approachable and vivacious. It was a week before I could fall asleep without hearing again her final gasps.

A couple of years ago, I made the agonising decision to put one of my dogs to sleep. A lovely little girl called Beauty, who had been rallying for three weeks after an accident, but when she developed complications I decided to let her go.

But during that period my kids and I cared for her, hand-feeding her and cleaning her up. When she was hospitalised, we trooped in every afternoon after school to pet her, whisper her name, and let her know we loved her. And when she was gone, perhaps I sobbed more than my children did, but through my tears I realise what an important lesson it all was for them.

Children need pets. There is something about caring for a creature that’s dependent on you that teaches a set of life skills that can’t help but translate into their wider life, both now and into adulthood: compassion, empathy, responsibility, common sense, and discipline. But when the time comes to say goodbye, there are pitfalls to be avoided, and opportunities for growth. Here are some thoughts.

Don’t lie

You may think you’re being kind, but telling your child that your pet ran away will only lead to agonising hours wondering how bad they are that the pet they loved could run away from them; where he is; if he’s cold, wet, and hungry; and so on.

Think you can get away with telling them their pet went to live on a farm? Do you really want to spend the next several months finding excuses why you can’t go visit? Furthermore, if they find out you lied, they’re unlikely to trust you again soon.

Don’t use the sleep metaphor

Don’t tell your child their pet went to sleep and didn’t wake up . . . unless you enjoy calming night terrors or yelling at a kid to get back into bed at eleven at night. When I was a child, my grandmother made me say the prayer, “Now I lay me down to sleep” every night. The line that terrified me was, “And if I die before I wake . . ..”

What? You can die in your SLEEP? If it can happen to their cat, they’re sure to reason that it can happen to them. Boom. Sleepless nights ahead.

Be honest but age appropriate

I think kids get a concept of death pretty early on, and it’s best for them if you explained that their pet was old, injured or ill, and simply died.

In the case of euthanasia, though, try to assess whether your child is capable of understanding the concept of killing out of mercy. If you think the child is old enough, explain that the process is fast, painless, and spares their pet the alternative of dying in slow agony. The last time I had a pet put down my kids would have been about five and seven, a little young in my estimation. I chose to simply tell them their dog had died peacefully, rather than have them think, Mummy murdered Tabby!

Don’t offer an immediate replacement

It might seem a good idea to mask the hurt by saying, “Fluffy’s dead, so let’s get a new kitty!”, but it isn’t. Sure, kids are distracted by new animals, and it would probably put a smile on their face, but it also teaches them that love is disposable and can be easily replaced. It’s not a leap for your child to think, if I die, Mummy will just get a new baby . . ..

Don’t hide your own sadness. Let them know that grief is an appropriate response. Help them acknowledge their grief, work through their pain. Hold a funeral or memorial service. Tell anecdotes about their pet, look at photos, maybe create some artwork depicting happier times. And when the time is right a new pet—a new friend, not a replacement for an old one—will be a happy addition to their family.

What happens after death?

Losing a pet is training for the inevitable time when they will one day experience the loss of a family member or other loved one. Often, they will try to grasp the situation by asking what happens when an animal—or a person—dies. Your response should depend on your family’s beliefs, but it’s also just fine to say, “I don’t know.”

I have to admit I’ve brought up the idea of Rainbow Bridge, a mythical place where pets are believed to go when they die, to frolic for eternity in green pastures, maybe even waiting to see us again. My kids like the idea, I like the idea, and between you and me, it just might exist.

Ever had this experience? What do you think? Please leave a comment.

A Dose of Humility

You can’t edit with a swelled head.

So, recently, I was dealt a dose of humility, forced to choke on a slice of humble pie. I’ve been doing well in terms of clients during lockdown; maybe people have been moved to write. A couple of them have given me multi-book contracts for editing, and I have been loving every minute of it.

Many of my clients have been enthusiastic, very happy with my work, even offering me bonuses and upping our agreed prices.

Does that feel good?

Why, yes, yes it does.

But it’s also terrifyingly seductive, leading you to a place where you begin to think you are infallible. Many clients had suffered such terrible edits in the past that they were full of praise, and I began to eat it up. I began to think I was Head Editor In Charge.

And that’s how I fell down and scraped my knees.

I was in the midst of a very long novel, when I noticed that the timeline didn’t add up. Several events were out of line, and simply didn’t sync. True, most readers would have read merrily along, but for me, it nagged like a toothache.

I notified my client. I began to fix it. I spent two days with a calendar, changing dates, shifting whole scenes around to make the timeline fit. When I was done, I was mighty pleased with myself. Not many editors would have been that sharp-eyed, after all. I was pretty damn good at my job and he was damn lucky to have me!

Except . . . the client was upset. And that is putting it mildly. “It’s my book,” he said. “I know what you did is technically correct, but I liked it the way it was before! It is MY BOOK!”

And I felt so hurt, ashamed, and embarrassed. I apologised, begged for forgiveness, and returned everything the way it was.

I remembered all the shitty edits I’ve received from my publishers in the past, the slash and burn of my carefully crafted words, leaving me bristling with anger or broken in tears. I heard the echoes of my own voice, my own pain: “It is MY BOOK! How dare they?”

I have become the very thing I had vowed to destroy.

So down a peg or two I’ve slid. I’ve done everything I can to make amends to my client, and hope he will forgive me. I’m glad for the timely lesson, and won’t be forgetting it soon. I’m a good writer, yes. A damn good editor, yes.

But I will never be great until I remember, every time I put hands to keyboard, that this isn’t about me. It’s not about how much I know or how adept I am with a semi-colon. It is and always will be about the client, the writer, and THEIR BOOK.

They must always come first. You know, before my ego.

What do you think? Leave me a comment.

What I Learned on Upwork

How to make a living in a borderless world.

In the last week of January, days before my XXth birthday (but that’s irrelevant), I began taking Upwork seriously. I’d signed up on a whim some time last year and never returned. Now, with the local economy sucking as it currently does, it was clear that if I was to continue to enjoy my indoor-pool, designer crockpot, Bahamas-vacation lifestyle, I was going to have to look beyond these shores for work. Hence, the freelance site, Upwork.

In just three months, I’ve been upgraded to Top Rated status, with straight five-star reviews and a customer satisfaction rating that vacillates between 96% and 100%. Not being boasty; being facty. And today I want to share with my fellow freelancers and side-hustlers what I’ve learned.

Much has been said about how hard it is to eke out an existence on freelance sites, but if you learn the tricks, you can make a good living.

Upwork is more than writing

I’m a writer and editor, yes, so that’s the field I’m registered in, but as long as you can deliver a service long distance, whatever it may be, there are people looking for you.

Work that profile

I spent days on my profile, polishing and primping, checking it over again and again, making sure I looked as good as a Miss World pageant applicant, shiny teeth and all. I thought about everything a client would want to know about me, and everything I have achieved that might put me ahead of the competition. This is not a time for modesty.

Check the job listings frequently

Check the job listings relevant to your field of expertise several times a day. In just an hour, an attractive listing can garner 20 applications. You want to be in early.

Check them first thing when you get up and last thing before you go to bed. Remember there are English-speaking clients on the other side of the world—Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, etc.—who are up and posting while you sleep. Get in on that!

Keep your proposals clear, thoughtful and appropriate

Be clear about what you are offering, how and when you intend to deliver. Don’t apply for a job if you have doubts about your ability to fulfill their requirements. You will screw that shit up, and a pissed-off client will blast you in the reviews.

Speaking of which . . .

Remember you are being monitored

All the time. Clients can review your performance after your contract is up, and you can review theirs. Upwork also has an algorithm running in the background that measures “customer satisfaction” according to a number of undisclosed factors. These include how fast you respond, how fast you deliver, how many clients come back asking for you, etc.

There are a few traps I consider unfair. For example, if a client chooses not to review you, it is considered negative, so your rating is affected even when there is no activity. I had a client who was so excited he gushed about what I’d done and rehired me, but he’s not good with computers so couldn’t find the review button. No stars for me, and Upwork thinks he’s pissed off.

I also learned that if the FREELANCER clicks “end contract” it mitigates against you, as opposed to if the CLIENT does. Sucks, eh?

Ask for your review

If your client doesn’t fill out the review field, politely ask, explaining that it impacts on your future jobs. Most of them comply.

Read your proposal carefully

Some clients bury traps and loopholes in their job listing to catch out the slackers who madly apply for every damn job. Like, at the end of a long listing, they will ask you to write “Butterfly” at the start of your proposal. This is to ensure that you have read the entire thing.

Proofread, proofread, proofread

Don’t let a perfectly good proposal be overlooked because of a misspelling or grammatical error. If they have 20 people to choose from and you spell something wrong, consider your ass kicked to the curb.

Separate yourself from the herd

A nice little note like this at the end of a contract lets them know they are special to you.

Clients receive a dazzling number of proposals, especially for the more lucrative posts. How do they choose? Apart from your excellent profile, your qualifications and your carefully framed post, they choose YOU for YOU.

I have asked clients why they picked me out of the pack, and they have all told me, apart from my experience and portfolio, it was my personality. Your proposals must be warm, approachable and fresh . . . but still businesslike. They ain’t your buddy.

Suck it up

Prosperity on Upwork is built upon your reputation, ratings, and experience. You need to put some time in the trenches for people to take you seriously. This means that at the outset, you must be willing to take jobs for a little less that you’re normally earn IRL.

Think of it as paying your dues, or making a sacrifice for free advertisement. Your focus at the outset must be on EARNING YOUR STARS. My first job, I was paid US$35. And I worked on that project FOR DAYS. The result was a five-star rating, an invitation to become one of their permanent writers (I declined) and the promise that they will come to me whenever they have another book to edit. Two of my clients have since offered me 10-book and 6-book contracts for a tidy sum of money.

In time, as your profile rises, you will no longer have to go looking for them; they will come looking for YOU.

Hang on to your self-respect

By the same token, don’t be so focused on building your stars that you let people take advantage of you. There are clients out there who, like certain *cough* jeans and sneaker companies, have no problem leveraging their first-world status over us third-worlders. But you do not live in Bangladesh. You cannot feed your entire tribe on $1 a day.

I will never forget the client who, in my first week, very snidely and patronisingly offered me US$2 for each 500-word article I wrote. “You can get stars,” he dangled before me, “and you can write as many a day as you like!”

Um . . . IRL I get TT$1 a word from my corporate clients. I declined as sweetly and politely as I could, even though the urge to cuss him and all his generations was strong in me. I kept it classy.

Get yourself a Payoneer card

For my Trini homies, it can be hard to sign up with these sites if they demand a US bank account. You can get around that by applying for a Payoneer debit card. It’s secure and reliable, and Upwork pays directly to it. Try Payoneer.com .

Every client is a VIP

It doesn’t matter if they’re paying you $50 or $300; their job is important to THEM. Treat it as such. Give your all, no matter what you’re earning. Be respectful, hard-working, and honest with your time calculations. Every job you deliver should be the best you have ever done. Their happiness (and your stars) will be your reward.

Google your client

Try to find their Facebook, Insta, Twitter, whatever. You might learn a bit about them, and how to approach them. You might also get some red flags. I was very excited about one client I applied to. The job sounded so cool . . . and then I discovered in several online newspapers that he was indicted for a series of major federal offences and was looking at doing a dime behind bars if he was ever convicted.

So, yeah.

Keep at it

Upwork is a commitment. Like a delicate houseplant, it needs daily attention. But if you water it, feed it, give it lots of air, sunlight and love, it will thrive.

What do you think? Any experiences to share? comment below.

He’s chalk. You’re cheese.

Because opposites attract.

How do you make love work?

Carnival has whooshed past, and probably you spent it chipping down the road with your honey. A few of you, however, either played Mas alone, fending off the hound-dogs eager to buss a wine on an unaccompanied female, because your man can’t stand crowds, or fuming alone at home, your hopes for a romantic cuddle-fest dashed, while he ran around town flinging water and powder.

It’s great to have a soulmate, but what happens when your ideas of fun are so diverse that when one of you is having a ball, the other is grinding his teeth?

If it don’t fit, don’t force it

If your idea of a weekend well spent is screaming at horses as they race around the track, while he couldn’t tell a mare from a mule, don’t drag the man to Santa Rosa. He’ll spend the day glancing at his watch and stifling yawns, and you’ll feel guilty, or, worse yet, irritated by his glassy-eyed stares while you try to explain the meaning of “Daily Double”. If he loves breathing the dust left behind by rally cars, while you can’t fathom why grown men squeal like little girls over gold-toned mag rims, you’re better off letting him hit the rally route on his own.

Being in love doesn’t mean you have to live in each other’s pockets. Your every passion doesn’t need to be fully synced for you to be compatible. After all, Jack Sprat and his wife had opposing culinary tastes, and they got along just fine.

Find a hobby-buddy

You don’t have to indulge your passion alone just because he’s not with you. Join an online forum, or link up with friends who are just as into your passion as you are. But be careful; if your hobby-buddy is male, and attractive to boot, you just might be letting your lover’s green-eyed monster out of its cage.

Find common ground

Come on! There MUST be something you and your lover can find to enjoy together—other than the obvious, wink, wink. If neither of you has a hobby or interest that the other appreciates, find one. Take a creative class together. Try something you’ve never tried before. You’re already connected by love; there must be a common yearning inside of you longing to be filled. You just need to find it, run with it, and discover another great reason why you’re meant to be together.

Well, any more strategies to add? Let’s hear ‘em in the comments!

To Wine or Not to Wine

I know my answer. What’s yours?

Carnival is freedom, self-expression, release, beauty, sex, madness and mud. And, of course, Carnival is wining, that gyrating, hip-swivelling, bottom-rolling motion that few women not born on this soil can even hope to perfect.

And Carnival, bless it, is the one time when women of every hue and colouration, every creed, stripe and social strata, can toss aside their sensible secretary’s pumps, their surgeon’s mask, their welder’s gloves, their teacher’s red-ink pen and become in public the women they have only allowed themseelves to be in private. Carnival is one big show, and we, the women, are on stage.

But the whole world is watching, and the further our liberties stretch, the harsher the conservative backlash is likely to be. Because make no mistake, the other 363 days of the year, Trinidad and Tobago is as prudish and buttoned-down as it is possible for a Western nation to be, and the Savannah concourse is littered with the ruined reputations of women who have been reviled, mocked, sanctioned, and even fired, for having been caught wining by the wrong person . . . or the wrong camera lens.

So, with Carnival upon us, is a wining woman a glory to behold, or a Jezebel to be shunned?

Wining is natural and spontaneous

The majority of people polled . . . especially men . . . think that wining is not just okay, but an essential part of our Mas and our culture. Some even think wining is as natural as breathing for us. “It’s cultural,” says one man. “We may call it different things (church people praise and dance, but they do NOT WINE, perish the thought) but the hip and buttock movements are as much a part of us as is breathing. We have to work hard not to swing our hips naturally.”

Wining is seduction

In any Carnival fete, in any Carnival band, you’ll find twenty woman to one man, at least according to the results of the scientific survey conducted years ago by the respected statistician, Professor Kitch. So what better forum in which to entice, display and seduce?

“Wining is how we talk to men,” says a veteran female Mas player, “Without using our lips. We let the hips talk for us.” And the men listen. To them, wining is a come-hither look that originates in the eyes and travels downward. And even if it goes no further than that, even if the searing-hot contact a woman makes on the dance floor is, to quote one local poet, “just a wine”, we break apart and step away feeling better about ourselves. We blossom under the warmth of male admiration as flowers do in the sun.

Is wining new?

Another gentleman questions whether the wining phenomenon has really been around as long as we think. “I’ve seen a lot of footage of people dancing in the streets at Carnival in the 1970s, 60s, and 50s. From none of those videos have I ever seen a woman wine. Dance, sway the hips a bit, yes . . . but not ‘wine’.”

If this is so, then the question arises whether the impulse to wine was always there, stifled by social convention, and is only now being given its freedom to run (or, rather, roll) as the constraints of social mores relax?

“It have wine, and it have WINE”

As much as we admire a good winer, there is a prevailing sense that there are limits to what is and is not acceptable. There is a general sense of “play your Mas, but set your boundaries.” As another female Mas lover puts it, “Many Carnivals ago, I had the opportunity to watch a young masquerader wine and dance and enjoy herself. She went down to the ground and move all around and nothing about how she conducted herself was lewd or vulgar. She was enjoying her Mas . . . then there are those who choose to have sex in the streets and take it to the next level. It is how you carry and conduct yourself.”

As far as that goes, unfortunately, lewdness is in the eye of the beholder. What may be a tame little shimmy for one person may be a shameless display to another. It’s even more unfortunate that while women are still being judged by their attire and conduct at Carnival and beyond, men seldom are.

By and large, though, the sight of a wining woman, a woman working her costume, enjoying her temporary escape from the rigid boundaries that barricade most of us, a woman who loves to be looked at and, in that moment, knows that she is sexy and desirable, is a beautiful thing to behold.

The sight of this kind of winer, celebrating her freedom and womanhood, rarely evokes shock, and seldom gives rise to a negative reaction from her enthralled audience. “It doesn’t change my view of women,” a young man observes. “It extends it. It completes it.”

Excited to hear your point of view. Please leave a comment below.

I Wanna Be a Millionaire, Too

I don’t get no respect!

Let’s talk about money, even though it’s objectively less appropriate than talking about sex. Money’s cool. I wouldn’t mind having some. I used to make a reasonable, liveable amount, actually, and then, goddammit, I quit to become a full-time writer/editor/origami enthusiast.

Now here I am at fifty-cough, calling up clients with my sweetest cheque-chasing voice once every couple of weeks, rolling over my credit card balance with the deftness of a plate-spinner at the circus, and hoarding loyalty points like rare simoleons.

I recently joined a couple of those freelance aggregate sites, where freelancers and potential clients do a tango as delicate as anything on Ok Cupid, where you coyly flash your diploma, and maybe a book cover or two, in hopes of catching their eye. And then they offer you US$2 each to write them a passel of 500-word articles. No, seriously, someone did. I didn’t even bother to give them a piece of my mind; I need it to trawl for work.

So my whine for today is, why are we writers paid so badly, especially as compared to professionals of equal intelligence, education, and general know-stuffedness? Why would clients sign away their third-born child to pay legal fees but try to beat down my hourly rate because I stopped in the middle of it for coffee?

The chances of making a good living (whatever that means to you) writing are despairingly low. And the chances of making a great, Stephen-King-pays-all-his-town’s-taxes level living? One in several octopusillion.

Look, I don’t need a vast estate surrounded by a gargoyle-topped iron gate. I don’t need to be flying off to Paris on weekends . . . okay, really, I’d kill to fly off to Paris for the weekend. But do ya get what I’m saying? Like Jabberjaw, I just want a little respect.

Even though 2.2 million new books are published every year. Even though people still think, “It won’t take long, so I don’t have to pay much.” Even though most people seem to think that a II in CXC English qualifies them to pen the world’s next breakthrough masterpiece, so why pay me to do it?

All I can say is, writer-folks, we need to stay strong. We need to remember that all authors, including the A list, have to suck up rejection at some point and persist. We need to know when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em. Not to leap at an offer that’s clearly wrong for us just to make a buck. And we need to stand together. If a job doesn’t suit me, I’ll give the client your name; I expect you to do the same for me. If I hear a great tip, or have a wonderful idea, I’m going to share it with you. That’s how our community gets stronger.

And I sure as hot hairy hell ain’t taking no steenking job for $2. The nerve of some people!

Thoughts? Any experiences you’d like to share? (Writing or not?)

Maybe—Just Maybe—Your Editor is Right

(We sometimes are, ya know!)

We writers can be pretty headstrong. We’re adamant about our work, and are always prepared to defend it, right down to the last punctuation mark. I remember annoying the hell out of my editor at Kensington when, pissed off at what I thought was a crappy edit, I flew into a fit of high dudgeon, stetted about fifty of the line editor’s changes, and Fed Exed about 30% of my novel back. Just weeks before printing.

Nobody was to tell me how to write my book!

My editor was not amused. “I got your many changes,” she told me dryly thereafter. I felt a bit abashed then, and as I became more experienced, I realised I was damn lucky she didn’t fire me on the spot. I was damn rude and out of line. Not to mention arrogant, stubborn, and ign’ant.

Now that the metaphorical shoe is on the other figurative foot, and I find myself in the editor’s chair, I encounter writers who, kill them dread, refuse to listen to reason. It’s their book, I don’t know anything, and they’re going to do it their way.

Well, sure. It is your book, after all. You don’t have to change a damn thing. You don’t have to listen to a word I say—as long as you still pay me, sis.

But consider this: Your editor is someone who has been through the wringer herself, who has been there, who has had her work praised and scorned, and who has survived. She’s grey of hair (well, except for the Revlon) and long of tooth. Maybe she knows what she’s talking about.

So I know that being told that you need to fix your story—or, in extreme cases, that it sucks and you need to start over—can sting. It can hurt like a mofo, like someone telling you your baby’s ugly. And you love the hairy little bugger.

But if you love it so much, why not do all you can to make it the best it can be? Instead of seeing your editor’s comments as proof that you’re a terrible person, a bad writer, and a sub-par human being who deserves to be dragged into the orca pool at Sea World, why not try to see it her way? Why not have another go, this time, on her terms?

After all, our primary interest is to make your story better. And we can help you do it, if only you and your ego can get out of your own way.

Any bad editor stories? Share them here. (Good ones, too.)

7 Bad Habits to Kick This Year

Old habits deserve to die

We start every new year with a list of resolutions, and most of the time, one person’s resolutions are pretty much like the other’s. Lose weight, give up alcohol, be a better person, yadda yadda. All well and good, but those big-ticket items tend to mask nasty little habits we should strive to ditch for good. Here’s are seven mini-resolutions that really make sense.

1. Stop cussing

Cussing is a great way to vent pent-up emotions, but let’s face it: the vocabulary is limited and lacks imagination. Display your literary side by memorising a few choice insults from greats like Shakespeare. Among his gems are: “More of your conversation would infect my brain”, “You ramping fool”, or “You diffused infection of a man!” Ouch, ouch, and ouch.

Not only will you look smarter than they, but they’ll be too speechless to think of a comeback.

2. Stop hanging out with friends who aren’t good for you

You wore matching dresses to grad and shared your worst secrets. We get it; you’ve been friends a long time. But if you find yourself wondering why, maybe you should re-examine the relationship. Are you in a better or worse mood after you spend time with this person? How do you feel about yourself when you two are done talking?

If your old buddy tires you out or encourages you to backslide into vices you thought you’d conquered, it’s time to cut the tie that binds. Gently, kindly, but firmly set yourself free.

3. Stop letting time slip through your fingers

How much time do you spend on the road, standing in line, or waiting on others every day? Multiply that by 7. Then by 4. Then by 12. Got the picture? Find ways to make every second count. Never leave the house without a book. If you’re driving, slip in an audiobook or a meditation chant, anything that will make you feel better or increase your knowledge. Claim back those chunks of time that are going down the drain.

4. Stop avoiding your mother

You call your mom once a week to keep your conscience quiet, even though you know you’re in for an earful that includes a list of her current ailments, a complaint about her neighbour’s tree dropping rotten mangoes in her yard, and a demand for an explanation of why you don’t go to church more often.

Stop letting your caller ID be your shield. Little boys and girls grow up, and the balance shifts. She needs your companionship and your ear as much as you once needed hers. If you stopped hiding from her like a naughty puppy, you’ll enjoy your time together more.

5. Stop pleasing people all the time

Yes, Ma’am, no Sir, oh, I really wanted to eat Arabic, but if you feel like Chinese, well . . . okay . . . . Sounds familiar? We as women have a habit of choking down our own wants and needs in order to make others feel better, to be nice, or simply out of the fear that if we stand up for what we want we will be dismissed as a colossal B-word.

Well, what’s so bad about being a colossal B-word sometimes? Because the opposite of that is ‘doormat’, and getting constantly stepped-on is no fun. It leaves you feeling wiped-out — yes, pun most certainly intended — emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

So every once in a while, dig in those heels and get what YOU want.

6. Stop living in the past

Brand new year, brand new chance to reinvent yourself and your future. Living in the past is like being stuck in an eternal loop, like in the movie Groundhog Day. It’s not only self-defeating, it’s boring. And pointless.

At some time or other you were stupid, careless, unkind, clueless, and, well, human. Just like everyone else. Forgive yourself and move on.

7. Stop putting yourself down

If your friend was as negative about you as you are about yourself, would you spend time with her? I think not. Make your self-chat more positive. That way, you’ll enjoy your own company better, and give your ego a boost. And voila, a better you.

What habits do you think we should add to the list? Comment here and tell us.

Writers are empty, not blocked

Get out of what-to-write-next jail.

Like everyone else, I’ve been fanged by the evil writers’ block vampire, finding myself curled up on the floor, ash-pale, dried-out and wondering what the hell happened and why I can’t produce a word.

But we writers are strong, creative, and ambitious. We’re heroes in our own stories, and whenever we’re faced with adversity, we suck it up and keep on going.

Years ago I read something that forever changed the way I looked at writers’ b-word. No idea who said it or even where I read it, but I’ll never forget. It went like this: “Writers are empty, not blocked.”

In other words, when we find ourselves out of ideas, it’s not that there’s a giant obstacle inside us, a wall erected somewhere in our cerebellum standing between us and a million-dollar, best-selling idea. Often, it’s that we’ve allowed ourselves to become barren, using up our creative stores without replenishing them.

So how do we fill ourselves up again?

Travel

Ideally, to Paris, Khartoum, or the Gobi Desert, but if your bank balance thinks that’s hilarious, maybe take a drive to another town, or out into the country. Park up and take a stroll. See new people (better yet, talk to them), taste new food, change your perspective.

Try a different genre

Lemme tell ya, I’m all burned out with romance, and don’t see myself writing another soon. Which is why I’m so gung-ho about memoirs these days. I’m learning a new skill and freshening up my jaded brain cells.

Read, read, read

Maybe you’re just bored. Maybe you spend so much time writing that you’ve forgotten that writers are readers at heart. Trying a new author or going back to your favourite might be just the tonic you need. (Notice I didn’t say “plagiarise, plagiarise, plagiarise”. Don’t let what you read penetrate so deeply that it influences what you write. There be dragons.)

Look inside yourself

Are you really not finding anything to write about or are you sabotaging yourself? Is there something that scares you, something you’re afraid would happen if you did finish your project? Success? Failure? Self-exposure? Bad reviews? The subconscious mind is a hell of a thing. Maybe you have something to sort out before you’re at peace with yourself enough to slam that keyboard once again?

Pack it in

At least temporarily. Go to your favourite pastry shop and challenge yourself to see how many calories you can consume in half an hour. Work out. See a movie. Have sex (I wish, ha.) Smoke a joint. (I can say that now that it’s been decriminalised in Trinidad. Yay!) (Also please note that I have never had a spliff in my life. Boo.) Go buy some sexy underwear; I find purple lace works best for me. Or a funny T shirt emblazoned with some pithy observation; the snarkier the better. Draw a mustache on the dog. Do anything that distracts you from the pickle you’re in.

Like a wary butterfly, inspiration will land on you if you stop trying to hard to catch it. Good luck, amigos.

Did any of these work for you? Let me know in the comments!

Finding time to write

We don’t find time; we make it.

Image of a click made up of coloured post-its

Did anyone take part in NaNoWriMo? That’s National Novel Writing Month, always held in November. The challenge is to write the first draft of a 50,000-word novel in 30 days. Sceptical? Thousands have done it. Many have gone on to get published.

But those of us writers who don’t have a giant S printed on our clingy spandex chests find it hard to get 50 pages done in a month, much less 50,000 words! We have jobs, studies, kids, spouses, sick family members, elderly parents, pets, fitness and a hundred million other things crowding our already cluttered lives. How do we do all this and still shove our writing project in edgways? Are we crazy?

Now that I write and edit full time, it’s a lot easier, as it’s a clear case of work or starve. But when I was in corporate life, and when the kids were younger, it was a challenge. I figured out a couple of tricks, and I’ll share them with you — on the condition that you’ll share yours with me.

Eat one-handed

For years I ate at my desk at work, stuffing my face with one hand while the other tapped out my story. I learned fast which foods are easiest to eat while working, like sandwiches, pizza, or roti, and which need to be avoided, like steak or spaghetti, which require concentration and dexterity (and two hands) if you plan to avoid disaster.

Even if I scarfed down my lunch (trying not to choke), I could still cram maybe 30 minutes of writing time in there. Doesn’t sound like much, but it adds up. (And this may be TMI, but I also learned to breastfeed one-handed for the same reason.)

Dictate to yourself

If you’re busy doing something else (housework, driving, that sort of stuff), try dictating your thoughts into a recorder or phone. (Make sure your phone is hands free if you’re driving, please!) I personally don’t use this method as I actually type faster than I think, but it’s a great solution for many people.

Just don’t dictate while walking down the street or while using public transportation, lest you get carted off for a psychiatric evaluation.

Drop by drop

As the elders say, “Drop by drop will fill a bucket”. Don’t stress if you can’t find a nice long couple of hours to write in. Do it one page a day and you’ll have a largish novel in a year. That’s better than most people who claim they want to write ever achieve.

Don’t be nasty to yourself

Many writers, including seasoned ones, get so bogged down in rewriting and editing a few pages that they never finish the whole book. The best advice I ever got was “Finish the book, then edit it.” Soldier onwards to the end before you look back; it will help you focus on your progress rather than spinning top in mud, going round and round in circles, but heading nowhere.

Palm off your responsibilities

If you can afford it, get someone to come in and help with the housework, even if it’s just once a week, to free you up a bit. Palm off the kids on a relative (slip them some money for ice cream and they won’t complain). Lock your door. Scribble “Do Not Disturb” on your forehead. Treat yourself to a beach house weekend. Every now and then you deserve a nice long idyll with your masterpiece. Go for it!

Other good ideas

Take a coffee/writing break. It’s a cliché, but coffee shops exist for a reason.
Write while someone else is driving.
Fit the task to the time allotted; big jobs for big chunks of time, and so on.
Play deaf. What? You were asking me to get up and fix dinner? Sorry, I didn’t hear you!
Squeeze in an extra hour at the start or end of your day. (Personally, I’m at my best at dawn.)
Be your own dominatrix: reward yourself for being good, and punish yourself for being naughty.
Stop using ‘busy’ as an excuse. We’re all busy. The only person I know who isn’t is my dog. How badly do you want this?
Your book—and your readers-in-waiting—will thank you when you’re done.

Do you have any tips or tricks to add? How easy is it for you to find time to write? Let’s hear your comments.